Ok - I'm not usually one for New Year's Resolutions. In the rare occasions that I have tried to make these commitments, they have been relatively short lived anyway, so I usually don't bother. Instead, I try to make decisions throughout the year that make life better for myself, my family, and those around us (those commitments are short lived sometimes too, but hey, I try!). This week, I have been thinking about my attitude on the every day things that happen to me, and I have not been impressed! So I have made the decision that I will not be passing along my negative attitudes to my children, and also will not be forcing my husband to deal with them any more :) So here I go - my experiment at a more positive me:
My biggest issue is dealing with my frustration with other people, especially other drivers. I know that this bad habit that I have of having road rage drives Randal crazy and I am scared to death that Mason will soon be shouting "idiot!" at passing cars! I have downloaded new music to my iPod and will try not to yell at people who don't know how to drive...we'll see how I do once I go back to work!
Next, I get frustrated when I have to ask Randal more than once to do something for me. I usually keep this to myself, but sometimes let it affect my attiude way more than I should. Now, instead of focusing on what he doesn't do right (because who does everything right anyway??), I will be focusing on everything that is right about him. I married a wonderful man - he is my best friend and he gets me more than anyone ever has. He can always make me laugh - even when I don't want him to. He takes great care of our kids (not to mention his assistance in bringing them into this world!). He works hard to provide for us and he brings life to the world around me. Even though he doesn't always do what I ask, he often does things I don't even have to ask him to do, which mean way more than anything else anyway. He is a great example of overcoming all kinds of obstacles in your life and ending up a responsible, thoughtful man who loves the God who has brought him out of the depths. So thanks Randal, for being a loving, Christ-like example for me and our kids - that's way more important than changing Mason's diaper :)
I often get frustrated when I think about paying someone else to take care of my kids while I work. I wish that I could stay home with the kids and didn't have to have a full time job, but to look on the brighter side: I have a job that I love. I work for a company that has incredible integrity and focus, and I count myself lucky for that. For now, I consider myself blessed just to have a job in a time when so many are trying to figure out how they get by without one. I am also blessed enough to work with my wonderful sister, so that's a plus too! I know the day will come when I won't have to work, so I will count myself lucky that my husband and I are determined to make sure we are in a strong financial position bvefore taking that next step. How wonderful it will be to be completely out of debt and comfortable and be able to actually enjoy being a SAHM.
I am tired, as every mom is. But instead of focusing on the exhaustion, I will focus instead on the wonderful bonding time that I get to share with my daughter for now. I know that I will never get that opportunity again and although I might not have the energy to get as much done at other times, the moments that we share in the middle of the night will be moments that I will miss when they are past.
I get frustrated when Mason won't let me wipe his nose when I can't get up from the chair, or when he won't eat the food that I put on his plate, or when he screams and wakes his sister up just because I won't let him play in the toilet...but with all the times that he does less-than-desirable things (which actually is pretty rare!), I have a beautiful, fun-loving little boy who makes me smile all the other minutes of the day. I can act like an idiot with him and nothing brings me more joy than to see him smile, dance, and have fun. The sound of his laugh makes my heart melt and I will focus on that stuff instead of the fact that he doesn't like my pot roast (he does like my meatloaf though!). Every stage he hits is more fun than the last one and he amazes me every day with all that he learns and all the fun he can have from the simplest things. I love him more than I can ever imagine and the few bad times we have will never outweigh all the beautiful moments we have shared.
I get angry and impatient with people in the church some times. I know that sounds horrible, but I think most people can relate. There are people that I have looked up to and have called on for guidance and to set an example (for me, my children, and the kids in the church). These people disappoint me often (a lot recently for some reason) and this is very frustrating to me. I pray that we can all set aside our own selfish desires and move towards working to build the Kingdom instead of making ourselves happy. Instead of focusing on how disappointing people are, I will be focusing how blessed I am that I don't rely on people and neither does God. He will get His work done, and I feel so lucky to be a part of that mission. I am always reminded of the line from Relient K that the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair. That is a beautiful realization and I have to always remind myself of that fact. God has blessed me beyond belief, and I am lucky enough to be a part of a church that has a clear mission and great leaders that are focused on making disciples and building the Kingdom of God.
So this is the beginning of my year of looking at the better side of things. I used to be optimistic and positive...we'll see if I can be again :) Here's to a brighter 2010 looking at the other side of the coin!
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