Journey to Joyful...

Confession: I have not been joyful.

Sure, I'm usually pretty peppy. But joyful - the deep down kind of joyful that swells inside of you from a place you didn't know you had - I lost that somewhere along the way.

My joy became shallow. It was affected by my circumstances. I let my daily life infect my joy when it should have been the other way around.

I knew it had to change. So I started hunting.

I came upon Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts. I was hesitant. I didn't think I would like it. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I was supposed to dive into it. So off to Barnes & Noble I went (SUCH a sacrifice!). 

It is not a large book, but I am taking it a chunk at a time, trying to digest and process what it means for ME. And so far, it has meant a lot...

I'm learning...

I've always been a sentimental person. I sit in moments and think "I'm going to cherish this memory" or "I need to revel in this". I was thankful for the sweet moments in my life that caught my attention. 

I'm learning now that appreciating those moments just isn't enough. 

I'm learning now to hunt for the moments. And I'm learning that this kind of thankfulness opens to a different kind of joy than I've ever known before. 

I'm stretching...

I've started my list of one thousand gifts ...things that God's given me. I've limited it to the "not obvious". I'm looking for the things that I've probably never thanked Him for before. My joy in Him and the small beauties in my life has already overwhelmed me. What a pleasure it is to spend every day looking for ways to say "thanks" - to see Him in the mundane and hidden details. It has stretched me and my view of the day to day already.

Even in the dark...

When Ann talked about hunting for reasons for thanks in the bad moments, my head almost exploded. 

You see, I always thought I was faithful in my trials.  I've "kept my faith". I've never questioned His purpose for my struggles. I've kept my eyes on Him.

But I wasn't thanking Him.  Not like this anyway. This is different. This is       so      very     deliberate.

So the other night, when my heart wanted to explode from the pain...when the tears wouldn't stop...when I just wanted to be hurt and be angry, because "I had every right to be", He prodded me.

Remember what you read. 

Remember what you learned. 

Remember what I'm teaching you. 

Remember how you're stretching. 

Remember My good.

So I grabbed my notebook. I wrote a few things. And slowly, but surely, my heart started to sing again. 

I continued to learn and stretch and give way to thankfulness and joy. 

The pain didn't stop. The problem didn't go away. But He felt closer. I leaned harder. I saw Him and His goodness more.

I'm just starting...but I'm already seeing...these seeds of joy that He's planting when I remember to look for Him...

And let the peace of the Messiah, to which you were also called in one body, control your hearts. Be thankful.  Let the message about the Messiah dwell richly among you, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, and singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
Colossians 3:15-17