This is about so much more than Mama Kits...

Like I said in my last post, God has been teaching me a lot of lessons about Him and how He can use those who are insufficient and broken as useful for the Kingdom. He's showing me (just when I need it and am ready to see it) that His plans are so much bigger than mine and that I need to stop underestimating Him by coming up with my own limitations and ideas.

To continue along those thoughts…here’s the very similar things He’s continuing to show me about Mercy for Mamas and the kits and services that we provide through my friend's ministry. 

This thing was small when Melissa followed the call God laid on her heart. A small kit for a small payment of $7 and you can save a mama’s life. It sounded like a simple thing and all of us were on board. I saw the magnitude of the fact that these kits could save women’s lives and help curb one of the causes of the Orphan Crisis and I got it. God’s using these little things to do big things and it’s awesome.

But I didn’t really get it. Because as huge as I thought I understood it to be, that was a huge understatement to what He had in mind. And I'm only now seeing just how much I underestimated Him and His purpose for this. 

Yes, I’ve seen the growth happen over the past few years - the 10,000 kits handed out in such a short amount of time - but it hit me hard on this trip: there are amazing things happening in amazing ways because of this effort and how God is using it. And I can’t shake my love of this revelation and all its facets.

This isn't just about Mama Kits. 

This isn't just about saving women's lives. 

This isn't just about curbing horrific maternal mortality rates that contribute to so many children being left with no mother. 

This isn't just about feeding some ex-pats some good food and singing some songs.

This is about changing lives in ways so often unseen. 

This is about showing women their value. 

This is about bringing women together. 

This is about equipping, encouraging, and empowering those who are called to serve the people of Uganda. 

This is about showing Christ's love in countless ways and opening doors to changing hearts in countless circumstances. 

You see, I didn't know....didn't think about...or just didn't understand just how little most of these women have someone to encourage them and love them through childbirth and in life in general. 

I didn't know they spit on each other during labor in the village. 

We have baby showers, we get excited when a friend or a neighbor or a fellow church goer or coworker is pregnant. We throw showers, we buy them cute outfits, we visit them in the hospital, we take them freezer meals, we run errands and try to give them some extra encouragement. 

That's not how it works for these women. They are often seen as an annoyance or even as competition. They are shunned, berated, spat on, belittled. They have none of the conveniences we have and so often they have none of the comfort of a circle of support either. 

Our team spent almost every day teaching women in different parts of Uganda about labor and motherhood and after we learned of some of the horrific things that some of these women faced from each other, the girls on our team that shared with these crowds made sure to focus on support, encouragement, and loving each other through this painful, beautiful process. 

We step in and give them their baby gift - their mama kit and maybe a blanket and some booties. And we try to give them encouragement and support, but we're only there for the day.  So pray that these women come together. Pray that they support each other and learn just how much this would benefit all of them to have a support system and to walk these journeys together. 

I didn't think about how the teen girls would be treated when they went to the hospital with their kits.

We visited several crisis pregnancy centers that we work with and one thing stuck out to me the most this time: the social worker at one telling me just how differently the girls are treated now that they have these kits. 

You see, the nurses/midwives at the hospitals weren't nice to these girls when they went in to deliver. They've been kicked out of their families and villages because of their pregnancies - they are not welcomed by so many. But because of these kits, the women who run this center that has welcomed them have been able to establish good relationships with the hospitals & clinics. Because of those relationships, the nurses take much better care of these girls now and they can have relatively pleasant experiences without worrying about not being welcome.  

I hate that's what it took for these girls to feel welcome at the hospital: you've been turned away from your family and you're facing delivering a baby in a country with one of the highest mortality rates - the last thing you should be worried about is the nurse not taking good care of you because you're a pregnant teenager. Knowing that these mama kits not only gave them the sterile supplies that they needed to deliver, but also gave them the open door to welcoming and friendly relationships with those in charge of their care was an amazing thing to learn. 

Pray that these girls continue to see renewed relationships in their lives. That they would see just how valued they are by the way that God works to bring people into their lives who don't judge, but that care and love for them and their children well. 

I hadn't thought through how much I value them but how they don't hear enough how beautiful they are.

It's funny to me how excited people get to see us on these trips. (If only people back home would get that excited, I'd feel pretty awesome!) To get to a village and have kids running after you and women smiling from ear to ear to see you - this strange Mzungu - it's a beautiful thing. Not because it makes us feel special, but because you can tell that it makes THEM feel special. 

Even if we don't speak the same language, even if we've never met before, they know they're special to us. We came from America just to see them. We came to pray just for them. We came with kits just for them. We came so that they would know just how valued and beautiful they are. 

The women of Uganda are incredibly gorgeous. They are strong and proud and brave. I'm pretty sure one of the sweet girls playing with me in the village one day was one of the most beautiful creatures on the face of the planet. She would blow most supermodels out of the water. But she's a kid playing in a village and living in a mud hut and doesn't have a mirror to see what I see. She's just a kid having fun, mimicking all of my faces and giggling uncontrollably when she gets to see her image in my phone. 

And that's exactly how I want her to stay, because she's incredibly beautiful, but more importantly, she's incredibly valued. And the women that we shared with could see that we cared for them. Pray that sticks. Pray that they know that we value them because we know our Father values them. Pray that they know how beautiful they are because of the fact that they are made in their Creator's image. Pray that those around them would show them their value in the way that they treat them and love them. 

I hadn't seen the different looks on the missionaries faces since I'd last been there. 

The last time I went to Uganda was on the inaugural Mercy for Mamas trip and this was a very different experience. One of the things that was the most different for me was the missionary dinners. Last time, none of us really knew what to expect and you could see that on the faces of the women that attended our events. While our team was a little nervous and we were running around trying to make sure everything worked alright, these women came not knowing what this was going to be like. They honestly looked a little more freaked out than we did!  Some came thinking we would be asking them for something, some came thinking this was just weird, some came not knowing what to think at all. 

But this time I got to see them come back (voluntarily!). I saw familiar faces with different looks - knowing that they know what to expect this time around and that it will be a good night for all of them - that was an incredible thing. I even had one woman cry when she started telling me how much she looks forward to this every time and another woman cried when I remembered her and welcomed her by name. She felt bad she didn't remember me, but I told her that wasn't the point. 

And when I was feeling all paranoid about the worship that we led in Jinja (like I always do) and then heard how much it meant to these women to just hear Western female voices leading in worship - that some of them actually recorded it just to have it for later - that was a revelation. 

I saw girls who hadn't made connections with any other ex-pats putting numbers and addresses on their phones and making connections with ministries that they can partner with. We heard from ladies who have been using the kits and just how much of an impact they're having on them establishing relationships with the people of Uganda. 

I'm thrilled to have seen what an impact these dinners can have on these women and to hear how these kits are opening doors for their ministries. I got to share at these dinners about just how much these ladies mean to us and to the Kingdom and just how much they are valued because of their Creator and their obedience to Him, but it's hard to find the words to even scratch the surface there. 

Pray that those women would be renewed and encouraged in the way that they serve. Pray that they would know that they are not forgotten and that we recognize the sacrifices that they make every day in their line of work. Pray that they are able to establish good relationships with other women like them and with the people that they serve and that they would see fruits from the seeds that they're planting. 

I never guessed how many ways we could exalt the name of Christ with this work. 

I love how often I see these boxes being used with a renewed purpose - makes me think about how God uses us in so many unique ways. 

God showed me His face on every turn on this trip like He never has before. I saw Uganda and Mercy for Mamas in a new light.

I saw women realize their beauty and worth in the eyes of their Maker. 
I saw God-glorifying relationships start and strengthen. 
I saw women step foot in a church who normally wouldn't. 
I saw women listen when they were told to support & encourage each other. 
I saw women squeal over the fact that someone sent them taco seasoning. 
I saw countless tears and countless smiles and heard amazing laughter that will ring in my ears until the next time I visit. 

I saw Him move and felt the Spirit swell.
I saw just how much He's taken this simple thing like a $7 bag of supplies and used it to make His name known and show His daughters just how beautiful and valued they are in His sight.

I saw, more than ever before, that this is about so much more than mama kits.

Uganda Trip 2014: Lessons to be Learned

Tonight, the Kansas folks from our team got to share with our FBC Mulvane church family about our trip. It was a good night to see a chunk of our team together again and get to share our stories and victories and even some epic fails memorable experiences. It was a good night just when I needed one.  To stand before the people who have supported this ministry and who prayed over our team and supported us financially and encourage us to go and serve was a great moment. To be able to share a piece of this experience with those who support my endeavors and me is always such a blessing and a great reminder of how incredible my support system really is.

I will do another post later, detailing the crazy hectic schedule that we keep while in Uganda, but today I’ll focus on what sticks out to me…what God is teaching me and the lessons he started pushing on me there.

I’ve not been in a good place. Honestly, I’m still not. I wish I could have gone to Africa and come back magically better on that “mission trip high”, but I didn’t. I’m still depressed, my life is still way less than perfect, and to be blunt, things are still a total mess. And newsflash, even with all that you're about to read - I'm still super selfish. 

But what I’ve been learning is that God is showing me Him in all of it. Even when I’m sobbing on the floor because everything feels broken and I feel useless, He’s showing me who He is and how that makes me who I am and that there are lots of lessons to be learned there.

Lesson 1: I need to stop saying that I’m not good enough to be used.

I have low self-esteem. This is a duh statement if you know me. I am constantly beating myself up over not being good enough to do anything that I’m doing. I let it hold me back from things a LOT and regret a lot of things that it’s caused me to do, say, or not do or say. But then something clicked one day in UG…because I realized that people were learning things in spite of my deficiencies.

You see, my beautiful friend Melissa asked me to write some devotions for the trip. And I did. And I worried and worried about how stupid they were and how no one was going to get anything out of them and how dumb I was going to look when people realized that I was the one that did them. I prayed and prayed over those words and asked God to make them good, but begged Him to use someone else – to use someone who was a good teacher and could actually put together something decent. I honestly thought I would send them to Melissa and Kim to proofread and that they would kindly “forget” and that would be the last time they saw the light of day.

They didn’t do that and the booklets ended up in the hands of our team members and I worried still. But guess what?! Even with my stupidity and my lack of anything profound to say, God still moved. Cause He does that, remember? It was amazing to me how many of the girls came to me and would tell me what God was speaking to them through these words that He gave me to put on paper. Each of them come from a different place in life, yet God was showing them something beautiful in its own way….He was personalizing each lesson for each person and here I was worried about looking dumb.

He continued to show me in other ways on the trip how it didn't matter whether I was "skilled" enough or "smart enough" or "talented" enough or "good" enough because He uses my weaknesses just as much as He uses my strengths.   

Lesson 2: I need to stop putting limits on how He can use me.

We had a great team of nurses and a wonderful woman that’s a doula on our team. They worked so well together and were able to minister to the women there in such a specific, tangible way. Sometimes, it was easy to feel like I wasn’t very useful because I couldn’t answer questions and I wasn’t up there talking and I wasn’t in the bus giving pre-natal checkups.

We got the great opportunity to take our team to a women’s prison and work with a great prison ministry in the Jinja area. Melissa had told me about this ministry and the woman that directs it and I was thrilled for our team to get to do this and that Mercy for Mamas gets to be a small part of this ministry and it’s place in touching these women’s lives. However, as excited as I was to go visit this place, so were a lot of other people. And when there are a lot of people who want to go there and not enough signed up for another place, some people have to go to the other place. I was one of those people and as excited as I was for my friends to get to go experience this and be blessed by that ministry, and as excited as I was to go see the progress of a place I got to visit on the 2012 trip and love on some kiddos, I won’t lie about how I was disappointed that I didn’t get to go with the prison group to minister to those women and have that experience.

We got to have a lot of time to do outreach with women in different areas and villages. While the nurses and people in charge of sharing and teaching did their thing with the women under the meeting tree, I was often with the youth girls and maybe a couple of others playing with kids or prepping meal stuff or fetching kits, etc. I will tell you right now that keeping 20 kids entertained for 3 hours is NOT my forte. Let’s be honest, keeping 2 kids entertained for 20 minutes is not my forte. I have little patience and am not creative and am not energetic (bonus that the hot sun and exposure makes my health issues flare up) and am not even always the best at remembering the words to kids songs – ha!

Even just being at the front of the bus sometimes gets to me. I throw up a lot folks. A lot of that is due to motion, so sitting at the front of the bus is a must. But guess who else is at the front of the bus. The driver. Who is Ugandan. Who speaks very little English. And I am alone, with my thoughts. And if you know me very well, this can be a very scary thing. And everyone else is further back in the bus, not feeling like they are going to upchuck and having fun bonding with each other.

So I was feeling a little frustrated at points on the trip. Not like angry frustrated, but confused frustrated. My heart is for women and ministering to them in the midst of whatever journey they are on. God has spoken that to me very clearly and I have seen Him use that calling in fabulous ways that are completely unexpected and quiet, but so, so good. I couldn’t figure out how this was happening. I serve with this ministry, I come on these trips – I do all that I do for this calling to serve women and show them Christ’s love for them right where they are. So why am I not being useful? Why am I over here playing with kids when that is definitely not my skill set? Why am I at the orphanage while the others are where I wanted to be? Why are the other girls sharing their stories and having fun while I'm staring out the front window and missing good bonding time? Why am I in the position that I'm in if I really don't have any skills that come in that handy? 

Then finally it clicked.

Because it’s a huge blessing to me when the people of my church love on my kids during service so that I can listen and fellowship and worship and the women from the village are getting that blessing by me singing silly songs and playing in the heat until I collapse on the bus.

Because it’s a huge blessing to me when I get to see the look on a woman’s face when I’ve touched her heart with something I’ve said that resonates with her and my teammates deserve those blessings too. They need them to know just how wonderfully God has prepared them for this trip and the ministry that each of them does all the time in their homes, jobs, churches, and communities.

Because it’s a huge blessing to the women who run the orphanage to sit with someone who wants to hear their story too and who wants to use encouragement and humor to brighten their day and push them on in their ministry while they see others on the team love on the children that they pour so much of themselves into.

Because our team needs to bond. Period. And because I got plenty of bonding time during activities and down time and other folks got good time on the bus and all of that is good and purposeful and it didn't matter that mine was different than someone else's because I still forged relationships that are great and strong. 

I’ve been very guilty of saying things like “God will use you wherever you are” and apparently not really believing it with all of my heart. I always felt like I did, but didn’t – I saw that clearly at the beginning of the trip.

My heart for ministry is geared towards women and their stories. I always thought I had to be directly ministering to them in order to be following that calling. On this trip, I really let God convince me that’s not the case at all. I let Him show me just how much He can use me to minister to women even when it’s not what I think it should look like.

He continues to show me back home what He’s about and that, no matter what I’m battling, no matter what the mess is, He’s good and true and steady. And that He’ll use it all – all of it – every messy, insufficient, broken piece – all of it – for His plans and His good.

And that I don’t have to be good enough, because He is.