A brighter Twenty - Ten

Ok - I'm not usually one for New Year's Resolutions. In the rare occasions that I have tried to make these commitments, they have been relatively short lived anyway, so I usually don't bother. Instead, I try to make decisions throughout the year that make life better for myself, my family, and those around us (those commitments are short lived sometimes too, but hey, I try!). This week, I have been thinking about my attitude on the every day things that happen to me, and I have not been impressed! So I have made the decision that I will not be passing along my negative attitudes to my children, and also will not be forcing my husband to deal with them any more :) So here I go - my experiment at a more positive me:

My biggest issue is dealing with my frustration with other people, especially other drivers. I know that this bad habit that I have of having road rage drives Randal crazy and I am scared to death that Mason will soon be shouting "idiot!" at passing cars! I have downloaded new music to my iPod and will try not to yell at people who don't know how to drive...we'll see how I do once I go back to work!

Next, I get frustrated when I have to ask Randal more than once to do something for me. I usually keep this to myself, but sometimes let it affect my attiude way more than I should. Now, instead of focusing on what he doesn't do right (because who does everything right anyway??), I will be focusing on everything that is right about him. I married a wonderful man - he is my best friend and he gets me more than anyone ever has. He can always make me laugh - even when I don't want him to. He takes great care of our kids (not to mention his assistance in bringing them into this world!). He works hard to provide for us and he brings life to the world around me. Even though he doesn't always do what I ask, he often does things I don't even have to ask him to do, which mean way more than anything else anyway. He is a great example of overcoming all kinds of obstacles in your life and ending up a responsible, thoughtful man who loves the God who has brought him out of the depths. So thanks Randal, for being a loving, Christ-like example for me and our kids - that's way more important than changing Mason's diaper :)

I often get frustrated when I think about paying someone else to take care of my kids while I work. I wish that I could stay home with the kids and didn't have to have a full time job, but to look on the brighter side: I have a job that I love. I work for a company that has incredible integrity and focus, and I count myself lucky for that. For now, I consider myself blessed just to have a job in a time when so many are trying to figure out how they get by without one. I am also blessed enough to work with my wonderful sister, so that's a plus too! I know the day will come when I won't have to work, so I will count myself lucky that my husband and I are determined to make sure we are in a strong financial position bvefore taking that next step. How wonderful it will be to be completely out of debt and comfortable and be able to actually enjoy being a SAHM.

I am tired, as every mom is. But instead of focusing on the exhaustion, I will focus instead on the wonderful bonding time that I get to share with my daughter for now. I know that I will never get that opportunity again and although I might not have the energy to get as much done at other times, the moments that we share in the middle of the night will be moments that I will miss when they are past.

I get frustrated when Mason won't let me wipe his nose when I can't get up from the chair, or when he won't eat the food that I put on his plate, or when he screams and wakes his sister up just because I won't let him play in the toilet...but with all the times that he does less-than-desirable things (which actually is pretty rare!), I have a beautiful, fun-loving little boy who makes me smile all the other minutes of the day. I can act like an idiot with him and nothing brings me more joy than to see him smile, dance, and have fun. The sound of his laugh makes my heart melt and I will focus on that stuff instead of the fact that he doesn't like my pot roast (he does like my meatloaf though!). Every stage he hits is more fun than the last one and he amazes me every day with all that he learns and all the fun he can have from the simplest things. I love him more than I can ever imagine and the few bad times we have will never outweigh all the beautiful moments we have shared.

I get angry and impatient with people in the church some times. I know that sounds horrible, but I think most people can relate. There are people that I have looked up to and have called on for guidance and to set an example (for me, my children, and the kids in the church). These people disappoint me often (a lot recently for some reason) and this is very frustrating to me. I pray that we can all set aside our own selfish desires and move towards working to build the Kingdom instead of making ourselves happy. Instead of focusing on how disappointing people are, I will be focusing how blessed I am that I don't rely on people and neither does God. He will get His work done, and I feel so lucky to be a part of that mission. I am always reminded of the line from Relient K that the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair. That is a beautiful realization and I have to always remind myself of that fact. God has blessed me beyond belief, and I am lucky enough to be a part of a church that has a clear mission and great leaders that are focused on making disciples and building the Kingdom of God.

So this is the beginning of my year of looking at the better side of things. I used to be optimistic and positive...we'll see if I can be again :) Here's to a brighter 2010 looking at the other side of the coin!

A Beautiful Arrival

Ok, so now it’s time to relive Madison’s welcome to the world. Because Randal would not be allowed to take time off to spend at home because of tax season, we went ahead and talked it over with the doctor, made sure that Madison was ready to arrive, and scheduled an induction on Thursday, December 17th. We went in at 5 pm and they started me on Cervadil to thin out my cervix in hopes that this process would jump start labor on its own. I did start having contractions around the time that they started it, but nothing serious. I was feeling them and they were coming pretty regularly, but not getting closer together or stronger either. Our families came to visit that evening and hung out for a while. Then they all left and Randal and I were able to get several hours of sleep in the delivery room. I woke up every hour or so, either to a contraction or b/c my hospital bed was uncomfortable and poor Randal slept in the recliner in the corner of the room which was pretty uncomfortable too! It wasn’t a super restful night, but I think we both got more rest than we thought we would!

Around 6am the next morning, 12 hours after they had inserted the Cervadil, they checked me to see if I was progressing. I was moving along, but not quite fast enough, so they went ahead and started the Pitocin around 7. I was dilated about 3 cm at that point, so we still had quite a ways to go! Around 9, they checked me again and I was around 4, so they went ahead and broke my water. My contractions were getting stronger and closer together, but were completely bearable until a little while after they broke my water, then things got interesting  Probably around 30 minutes after, my contractions became so intense that I could not talk through them and I started trying to breathe through them. Randal’s mom arrived at the hospital around that time and sat in the room talking with us for a while. My contractions continued to get closer together and were getting really strong at this point. The nurse came in to check my progress around 10:30-10:45, so Denise excused herself for a few minutes. After the nurse checked me, she said I was at around a 5, so we knew we had a lot of progress to make and were expecting a late afternoon arrival. The nurse asked when I wanted my epidural and I couldn’t even explain to her that I didn’t want one at all – luckily Randal stuck up for my decision and explained the situation and that I was set on not having one. All I could get out at that point was “no”! As they were having this conversation, my contractions really ramped up and I was really squirming. The nurse went out to call my doctor and give her an update.

Randal was keeping everyone up to date, so he had talked to my parents, who were keeping Mason while we were away. After hearing that I was only at a 5, they decided to run to Argonia and pick up a few things that they needed and then they would check with us when they got back. My contractions were getting pretty bad and I was getting really uncomfortable, so after I was checked, Denise went ahead and went out to the waiting area and left Randal and I alone. My contractions were now happening pretty much on top of one another, with no time to rest in between. I was gripping the side rail on my bed during my contractions and cutting off the flow of my pitocin IV, so the nurse came in to see what was setting off the alarm on the IV machine. Around that time, my body was really starting to try and bear down and I was starting to feel like something was really wrong. We had just found out that I was just at a five, so I knew that shouldn’t be happening for quite a while! I couldn’t get many words out, as I barely had time to take a breath in between contractions. The nurse realized that my contractions were coming continuously and that I was fighting not to bear down and started to really get on me about not pushing yet. I told her that I was trying my best, but my body was really trying to. She decided to check me and immediately told me that I could not push b/c she was not ready to deliver the baby. She told the nursing student that was shadowing her to turn on the warmer on the crib and to go get help - that we were going to be delivering a baby very soon. She grabbed her phone and called my dr and the nurse’s station and was telling me the whole time that I had to fight it with all that I had, which was really getting hard!

We had a very quick rush of nurses come into our room and they hurried to get the bed broken down and get things set up. The charge nurse got to me in the middle of a contraction and said “this isn’t going to take long, I just saw the baby’s head”. This was such a surreal experience! I was lying there trying to breathe and fight the urge to push, and all that I could think was that this all felt so wrong! I was expecting another long and drawn out delivery like with Mason, and this was all happening VERY fast and it seemed like something bad was happening, so I was a little scared!

After everything was set up and the staff was ready to go, they rolled me over and told me to give one good push. That’s all it took and we heard little Madison’s wailing begin! Such a beautiful sound!!!! Randal let them cut the cord so that they could whisk her away and make sure that everything was alright. She checked out fine and Randal got to be right there and watch them examine, weigh, and measure her. She was 6 pounds, 9 ounces and 19 ½ inches long and had brown hair - the official time she arrived was 11:12 am. My doctor was unable to make it there on time since everything happened so fast, but arrived soon after and helped get me cleaned up and checked out Madison too.

Because this had all happened so quickly, Randal obviously didn't have time to update everyone, so he was scrambling to get everyone notified after she was born. My parents had started towards Argonia and got his text message saying "She's here" before they got out of Mulvane. Thinking he had accidentaly sent the message, they pulled over and called. After Randal let them know that it was no accident, they turned around, took Mason to lunch and then came up to let him meet his little sister! Randal's mom was in the waiting room, but had no idea anything was happening, so she was surprised to get the message too! She came and waited outside of our room until she got the OK to come in, then she came in and met her new granddaughter. Everyone else arrived as soon as they could, on lunch breaks or after work, but needless to say, they were all shocked to hear that she was already here!

After the nurses checked her out, they showed Randal that she also has a birthmark on her left hand that extends most of the way up to her elbow and another that is on her side. They have faded a little bit since birth, so we’ll see if they continue to clear up. She also has pinholes in her ear just like daddy and brother, only she has one on each ear! The auditory doctor mentioned that these pinholes that have been such a topic of conversation are actually called preauricular pits, so we’ve been able to do a little bit of research on these things now!

Recovery from labor was a lot easier this time – I think both b/c of the shortened experience and b/c I did not have an epidural. I was able to get out of bed and get cleaned up right away, which was REALLY nice and they got us moved up to a recovery room really quickly after delivery. We were able to get some good sleep in our hospital room and Madison has been a great baby – sleeping for 3-4 hour stretches. She figured out her days and nights pretty quickly, so that was helpful too! We have been blessed with two babies that are easy going and adjust well – let’s hope that they continue to behave that way for a while!

We had lots of family drop in on us at the hospital and friends and family visited at home after we were there too. In Madison’s first week of life, she did a lot of traveling and meeting her family! When she was just 6 days old, we started our Christmas celebrations by going over to Randal’s grandparents house for a get-together and lunch. We then traveled to Argonia for dinner and gifts with my family. Travel was interesting on that day, since Madison got to experience her first snow! We didn’t get a lot of accumulation here in the Wichita area, but the snow was blowing so badly that visibility was very slim! The ride to Argonia was a little difficult at times, but we made it there alright! I was beginning to wonder if we would be able to make it to Oklahoma later in the week, as they had accumulations of more than 14 inches and had closed all of their highways, but the roads were cleared by the time we needed to travel again. On Christmas day, we had brunch with my mom’s family and then played games and visited the rest of the day. The day after Christmas, we traveled to Edmond, OK for a celebration with my dad’s family and stayed there until Sunday, when we came back home. We had a wonderful Christmas, with Mason enjoying opening and playing with gifts, and Madison getting to meet everyone and be held A LOT! There is no shortage of love for this little girl!

A new blessing...

Well, this update is WAY past due! Madison Leigh is finally here! After what felt like a forever wait, she arrived on December 18th at 11:12 am. I will post a longer, more detailed delivery story when I have a little more time (and both kids are napping!), but for now I will say that she is perfectly healthy and happy and thriving. Our delivery was a lot easier than Mason's was (though maybe a little more dramatic in some respects!), so recovery seemed a little bit easier and faster. I was so exhausted and down after having Mason (thinking back, I'm pretty sure I had some postpartum depression that I let weigh me down for too long) but feel great this time around! I am enjoying my time at home with both kids and am dreading going back to work! Randal has been working a LOT of overtime now that tax season is in full swing, so I am missing him, but enjoy the evenings after he finally makes it home!

We had a great Christmas this year! Luckily, we were all recovered enough that we got to enjoy get togethers with both of our families, including a trip to Edmond to see my dad's family. Everyone enjoyed getting to hold and meet Madison, and all of us really enjoyed watching Mason open his gifts. He was old enough this year to actually enjoy opening and playing with all of his new toys (and everyone else's!) and he had a lot of fun playing with all of his cousins and other family.

I was a little worried about how he would react to his sister, since he's old enough to act out for attention, but not old enough to understand the need to be gentle or who exactly she is, but he's doing great! He loves to give her kisses (or licks & slobber, whatever!) and enjoys helping out by throwing away her diapers (I wonder how long I can make that seem fun...hmmm...)! He has had to be pulled off a few times when he has been a little too excited, but has overall done a really great job of welcoming his little sister to the world!

That's all for now, I'll post a lot more later!