1) It gives me a great outlet. I know most of what I say, no one cares about. So I can put it out in the bloggy universe and you can choose to read or choose to ignore. It’s a win-win J
2) It gives me the chance to document all of the hilarious and wonderful things that happen in my day to day life. I’m not always good about remembering, but I love being able to put these stories down for the kids to read later…I’m sure they’ll appreciate it, no matter how embarrassing, right??
3) It gives me the confirmation that I need that I’m not alone. No matter what I write about, I usually have someone tell me that what I’m thinking/feeling is what they’ve been thinking/feeling and that they appreciate knowing that they’re not the only one! Well that makes two of us! And that brings us to the topic of today’s post…
I don’t like feeling crazy. I feel that way often, and I probably am…but I still don’t like feeling like it. No one likes to feel alone - we learn that at a young age. So how is that we’re so hesitant to talk to each other about things? I always find that when I actually talk about something with my girlfriends, I feel a lot less crazy! I think, as females, we’re more hesitant to look ridiculous and be judged, which keeps us from talking about the things that are on our minds sometimes, which is a real shame, because we’re the best resource that other women have!
Here are some of the things I’m thankful I’ve found someone to talk to about:
1) Being a working mom, or a mom in general. As you can tell from my previous post about this topic, it’s easy to feel a little unorganized and crazy with this lifestyle. It’s easy to feel judged. It’s easy to have a mental breakdown. This is where my friends and message board buddies come in handy. They remind me to slow down and take a breath and that it’s ok to not be perfect at everything. And that, yes, I’m completely nuts, but that it’s ok. And that my kids will understand some day and even thank me for it (b/c that’s how I raised them!!). I want to be a great mom, and that means working hard. I want to be a great wife, and that means working even harder. It’s easy to get lost in all that I’m thinking and feeling when I’m constantly going a million MPH. Other moms make me realize that I’m not the only one in this crazy loop.
2) Child bearing. This is a long one, and I apologize in advance.
a. First off, the getting pregnant part: This is more difficult for some than others. For us, we were lucky. It took us a year of trying to get pregnant with Mason. I was ready to go see a doctor when we got a positive test b/c it had been a full year exactly. That year seemed like forever, even though I knew that it wasn’t that long. I waited 6 months to tell anyone that we were trying. I was starting to panic and feel like it wasn’t going to happen, so I asked some of my closest friends for prayer and I am so very thankful that I did. They prayed over me that night and read scripture and encouraged me more than anyone else could. They didn’t know how I felt exactly, as they hadn’t been in my shoes, but they were there for me anyway. I know lots of people who’ve had to wait more than a year…some who know they’ll never get to experience this. In any situation, it’s so important that we have someone to talk to. This is too much to keep inside.
b.Next, the pregnant part: I cannot put into words how glad I am that I had someone to talk to during this period of my life. I was miserable and there were lots of weirdly gross things happening to my body. Only some of those gross things are covered in books. Even they don’t want to talk about some of it. Again, feeling crazy, I found a couple of people that I could be open and honest with. They were so sweet and hilarious and offered up their best advice, no matter how odd the question. I mean, who wants to talk about placentas and mucus plugs? No one. That’s who. But good friends talk about it anyway, b/c that’s the only way you know you’re not losing vital pieces of your body! Pregnancy is gross and uncomfortable. And while it’s different for everyone, your friends will understand whatever you’re wondering about.
c. Labor and Delivery: I will admit that I’m one of those people…the girl who likes to know every possible scenario going into a situation. Ask Randal, I owned every pregnancy book I could find. I wanted to know what I was in for. And when I had complications, I had lots of good references between my books and my friends. Going into labor and delivery, I knew what to expect. But it was because of my friends I knew the stuff the books don’t tell you. It was because of my friends that, even though I had the longest day of my life, I was comfortable with how it all went down and knew that it was ok. Let’s go ahead and understand that there will be about 100 people present when the big action goes down. Let’s talk about how gross and wonderful it all is. Let’s talk about staying in good spirits through the emotional roller coaster that is labor. Let’s talk about feeling like you have to push and having to fight that urge with everything that you have for an hour while you can’t talk. I didn’t even have the chance to tell Randal that I hated him for doing this to me…those movie scenes are complete bull!
d. Recovery: I think this is the thing that goes unspoken, and I think it’s the most important. The previous stages of this process are the ones you hear the stories about. {I did have friends that I talked to about my labor experience, and I think that’s extremely important. I also blogged about the process. If you have given birth and have not documented that experience, you should. It’s so therapeutic, you will thank yourself. Plus, you can show it to your kids someday and they can “oooo” and “ahhh” in amazement of your toughness!} You just don’t hear many women talking about their recovery, and you should. I think it’s sad that a lot of us go into this stage without knowing a whole lot. You read in the baby books about your child’s first 6 weeks of life and how to take care of them, but there’s usually only a few paragraphs about how to take care of YOU. And that’s the hard part. If you’ve had a c-section, if you’ve had tearing, if you’ve had the smoothest labor imaginable…it doesn’t matter. Your body has been through the most traumatic event it will ever experience and you have to recover physically, mentally, and emotionally. Which is not easy to do when you’re sleep deprived and on painkillers. You can’t even sit and stand up like a normal human being. You’re scared of going #2. You’re busy dealing with changing your own disgusting diaper of a setup, yet you still have to change the tarry thing that’s on your baby’s bottom. And if you’re nursing, your body is still being rented out for useful purposes, which is a little unnerving sometimes and makes you feel completely taken over, body and soul. I didn’t have anyone to really talk to about the recovery process, and I really wish I would have. I didn’t realize until several months after Mason was born that I had some post-partum depression and the way that I felt was not the “norm” for a new mom. I didn’t have anyone to tell me to take extra ice packs home from the hospital (and yes, they’re that important). I didn’t have anyone to give me tips on how to deal with taking breaks at work to hide in a bathroom and pump (awkward!). This is the part I’m the most passionate about because I feel like it’s where the biggest void is. I want my friends to know what to expect so that they can take care of themselves and their family in the best way.
3) Marriage and yes, sex. Marriage is a roller coaster and sometimes you need to talk to someone who’s not on the one you’re on. When Randal and I have gone through our valleys, our friends have been there for us. They’ve told us we’re being stupid, they’ve told us we’re doing the right thing, they’ve pushed us to be better for each other. They’ve prayed for us. They’ve entertained us with their stories. When we’ve gone through our peaks, and sometimes when we’re still in the valley, I’d like to think I’ve been able to give some insight into my friends’ marriages. This can obviously never replace talking to your spouse about what’s going on, but I think it’s important to have friends you can trust that know both of you and can give you a good laugh and let you know you’re not alone. The same goes for the “off-limits” topic of sex. Who said married people couldn’t discuss sex? Males and females are way different, we know this…so sometimes, we need to talk to someone other than our spouse about this to know that we’re not crazy or alone. This has been the source of much hilarity and support among my friends and I. And I know guys talk about, so I don’t see why we can’t.
4) Church. This is an important part of our lives, but religion is one of those taboo topics you don’t talk about at the dinner table, right? Wrong. If it’s important to you, you should be able to have a good, stimulating conversation about it with your friends. My girlfriends are my best accountability partners and keep me in check on my walk. We love pushing each other to become more like Christ. I’m so glad that I have friends that are honest with me and demand that I grow into the woman they know I can be.
5) Random stuff. Life happens. Every day is a set of new challenges, opportunities, and hilarious happenings. I love talking to my friends about absolutely nothing. I love having gut laughs over coffee and having a book club where we don’t get around to talking about what we’ve read until we need to leave.
I love that my friends are an extension of my family. I would be a different person without them, my life would be much less entertaining, and Randal would get really tired of talking about redecorating and antiques. My friends are priceless and I know that they are a gift from God. They are women of integrity that push me to be the girl I’m designed to be. They make me feel a lot less crazy and pick me up when I’m down. What a blessing to have sisters in Christ (including my own wonderful bio sister!) that I can be open and honest with. And what a much better place this world would be if everyone had that group of girlfriends.
