Open Letter Series - Part Four: Mason

To my oldest baby...my first born...my favorite Ginger:

It's been over 3 years since I became a mommy to a beautiful little boy. You were an active baby...you were quite the gymnast and didn't let me sleep much.  You gave me heartburn, headaches, and backaches.  You were stubborn and didn't want to get here when you were supposed to.  They literally had to pull you out of me, screaming and kicking all the way. You prepared me for motherhood before you ever saw the outside world.  :) 

You have given me more gut laughs in the last 3 years than I can count.  You make your dad and I laugh so hard that we have trouble disciplining you.  You definitely got daddy's sense of humor...you know when you're being funny and you run with it. I'm so glad you know how to make life fun and light and I hope you'll keep that quality. 

You're one of the best big brothers I've ever seen.  You watch out for your sister all the time.  Granted, you guys have your little spats and sometimes have difficulty sharing, but you are best friends.  I pray that you'll always be there for each other.  She looks up to you and wants to be like you...remember that. You guys have so much fun together and I love that you're so close in age so you can do the same things and have fun.  I look forward to seeing the fun things you guys get into in the coming years.

Keep your sense of adventure.  You are super curious and want to do everything right along side your daddy and me.  Keep learning and trying new things.  You don't like to be bored and if you look in the right places for your next big thing, you'll go far.  I hope you'll use your curiousity to learn as much as you can, especially about God.  You like to ask questions, and that's good.  Keep searching and learning and growing.  You're a smart kid,  so use your brains, but learn to listen to your heart too.  You process stuff on a deep level, listen to those emotions.  Work hard to find a good balance between your brains and your feelings.

I pray that you'll grow into a fine, strong man.  I pray for your future wife, that she would grow into a woman that you can be best friends with and build a wonderful life with.  I pray that you would find a career that will make you happy and that you would follow wherever God leads you.  I want nothing more for you than to know Him and His plans for you.  Be kind, strong, and honest.  Value your relationships and make them a priority and you'll grow into the wonderful man that I can already see growing before me now.

I love you,
Mommy

Open Letter Series - Part Three: Madison

Exactly two years ago we welcomed the most beautiful girl into our little family.  I waited and waited for you to arrive.  We induced labor in order to get you here.  We waited at the hospital overnight and showed little progress for hours and hours.  Then, all of the sudden, you decided you were ready and made the next 15 minutes the most painful, scary, exciting, and relieving 15 minutes the world has ever experienced!  And so sets the stage... :)

I love that you know what you want, when you want it.  And while you need to learn that sometimes you don't get it, I hope you'll keep this trait.  Remember to stick up for the things you're passionate about and not let anything take that away from you.  I pray that you'll find what you're passionate about at a young age and pursue that with the drive that only you have.  You are one of the most motivated people I know - use that for good.

I love your spunk.  You have such an adventurous spirit and you're not scared of anything. We have to constantly be on the look out for you to do the trust fall so that you don't hurt yourself.  You climb on everything and don't have to worry about keeping up with the older kids.  I can see you being a stunt double for someone someday...it would scare me, but wouldn't surprise me :) Keep enjoying life and make every day an adventure.  There's a big world out there and I know you're going to take it by storm.

You wear your heart on your sleeve like me. You love hugs and kisses and are my cuddle-bug and I love that about you. I can honestly tell you that will be hard sometimes, but don't change it.  When you're older, you'll realize how important it is to let everyone know how much you love them.  Don't ever let a day go by without making sure that people know that you care.

You're funny - you get that from your daddy.  You'll be a classic youngest child with your "class clown" tendencies and I'm ok with that.  You and your brother keep things interesting around here.  Life is hard and your humor will get you through some tough days.  I'm so glad you have that.

I pray that you'll grow old and live a good life.  I pray that you'll be happy and do what you love.  I pray that you'll know Christ as your Savior and follow where He leads you.  I pray that you'll find a man who will take good care of you, but more importantly, lead you with a heart after His.  I want nothing more for you than to start compiling a list of the names you know Him by. I can't wait to share late deep late night conversations with you about things like this.

I know you and I are bound to butt heads over the next couple of decades...we're too much alike and both way too stubborn not to have those times.  I had a great example of a mother, but I know I'll still let you down sometimes.  Always remember that I love you and would do anything for you.  No matter what we go through, you are my daughter and I am your mother.  Know that you can come to me, no matter how old you are or what the circumstance is.  Just like you come to me now when you fall down, I'll be there to pick you up when you're grown. 

Oh.  And I gave birth to you without an epidural.  Be nice to me and don't make fun of me too much when I completely lose my mind :)

I love you my precious baby girl!
~Mommy

I'm giving up my birthday!

While I still feel like a 5 year old on the inside and act like a 75 year old on the outside, I am indeed almost 27.

But here's the thing.  As I sit here and make plans for my sweet little girl's 2nd birthday, I am also praying for a sweet little girl named Paxten who is getting a bone marrow transplant before her 2nd birthday because she has leukemia. 

Then my mind wanders to my mom's cousin who recently passed away after a hard fought battle with multiple myeloma and the family that is left behind to carry on without a great man.

Then I can't help but dwell on thoughts of my grandpa.  The toughest fighter I've ever known.  He's battled through numerous bouts with cancer for more than a decade and beats it time after time.  I can't put into words how it moves me to think about the fact that I can call him a cancer survivor.  I love this man:

I could make this blog much, much longer if I listed all of the people in my life who have fought cancer.  Some are still with us, and others we miss dearly. All of us have been affected by cancer, even if we haven't had it ourselves. That's why I decided to give up my birthday.

I want kids like Paxten to have more birthdays to celebrate with sugar highs.  I wish my mom's cousin-in-law could still give a hug to her best friend.  I want my grandpa around to see as many milestones in the lives of his grandkids and great grandkids as possible.

I want more birthdays for all of us, so me giving up #27 seemed like a good idea.

So here's the deal...you need to check this out and donate if you can:  http://www.crowdrise.com/bethsbirthday

How was cancer affected you?  Who do you know and love that has battled cancer?  Leave a comment here with your story.  Then check out my link and donate if you can.  Whether you give or not, spread the word.  My goal is $2700 for my 27th - help me get there by February 5th!

Open Letter Series - Part Two - Randal

Dearest Randy:

We’ve come a long way since 2003.  The goofy guy with the guitar and the little blue pick-up meets the nerdy girl with the stupid yellow and red fingernails and they watch The Italian Job.  Who knew what the next few years had in store for us!? 

First Came Love:

I still can’t believe how fast I fell in love with you. And while I hate to admit that it was love at first sight for me and not for you, I can’t blame you.  I mean, seriously…red and yellow fingernails only hinted at my strange KC Chiefs obsession…it takes a little while to see past that ;)  But I’ll never forget that night after volleyball at the church when you asked me on a date so calmy and cooly.  And I’ll never stop laughing at the fact that, while I bent down to get a cough drop from my purse, you tested out the armrests on the seats at the Warren to make sure you could hold my hand if I wanted you to.  And my family will never forget how you tagged along to my brother’s birthday dinner just a week after our first date because I asked expecting you to say it was too soon.  I should have known then that you and I would have a pretty entertaining relationship! J

You helped me through so many tough situations just when we were dating:  Making the move from FT student to FT worker and PT student, getting my first apartment, my first management job, running off creepers at aforementioned apartment, the loss of a very special friend, and countless other minor emergencies, including the worst flu I’ve had to date.

You showed me just how strong you were during this time.  You proved to me over and over again that you would work as hard as you had to in order to get things accomplished.  You showed me the picture of what it means to overcome the worst of circumstances and how you can decide to not let other peoples’ decisions shape who you are and what you do with your life.  I can’t tell you how much this side of you still impresses me to this day.  You shouldn’t be the man you are today…not many people would be.  It’s one of your best qualities and something that will make your kids and grandkids extra proud someday.

Then Came Marriage:

I’m glad to this day that I was wrong about how the day was going to go that fateful November day.  I had no idea what you were doing when we went by the old dorms.  And I’m glad I said yes! J The planning was fun – thanks for keeping me in check.  And I’ll always appreciate the way you comforted me when I was upset about tablecloths when we were setting up the reception decorations!

We’ve had our ups and downs since June 4, 2005. We’ve hurt each other in different ways.  But love isn’t always about the fuzzy feeling in your gut and it’s hard work sometimes.  We’ve overcome things I never thought we could.  We’ve experienced healing together that only God can bring.  We’ve learned to lean on Him and built ourselves on a stronger foundation than before.  And, as heartbreaking and hard as it’s been at times, I’m so proud to share that story with you.

Then came the babies in the baby carriage:

Man, we make good babies.  It’s been a great, exhausting adventure having these two bundles of joy and M & m are in love with you.  Even though Madi doesn’t always come to you and won’t always give you kisses, I see the way she looks at you.  She looks up to you.  You’re guiding her and teaching her every day and she loves it.  I love watching it.   And Mason is attached at the hip…you don’t need me to tell you that.  As much as I hate that I don’t always get to spend the entire evening with you, I love hearing him yell “DADDY COME LAY WITH ME!” down the hall J I can’t wait to share the coming years together and watch you coach soccer teams and help with math homework (you know I’m not doing either of those!).

Your commitment to be a good husband and father has continued to grow and mean the world to me.  I know that someday our kids will be able to see that too and will appreciate how hard you worked at that, just like I do.

I love you.

~Lizzie

Prayers please!

We are in Emporia staying with Ryan & Kelli tonight...heading to KC tomorrow morning (early!). We'll drop Mason off with my friend Kim (thanks Kim!!) on our way to Mercy. Our appointment shouldn't last too long. Most of it will probably be just chatting with the dr about what we can do and what we've already done. We're not expecting a huge answer tomorrow, but at this point some little answers would be awfully nice!

I know this really isn't that big of a problem in the grand scheme of things. But when it's your little girl and you can't do anything to make it better, it's the weight of the world. I'm just hoping that Dr. Strickland can identify a cause for Madi's issue and from that, give us some sort of plan of action. I want her to just be able to be her feisty 2 year old self and not have to be bogged down by this uncomfortable problem.

Some of you have asked me how to pray tomorrow. First off, we really appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers. Please pray for calm - I know that Madison has already been scarred from some traumatic examinations and she will fight the dr tomorrow. Pray that we would be able to keep her calm and that she would not be too upset with things in the morning. Pray for the dr and for her knowledge and advice. Pray for us to really understand and ask the right questions. Pray that this period of Madison's life would be really short.

Like I said before, I realize that this issue is not that big of a deal...I know this no better then now, while I'm typing this. A family friend of ours will also be at Mercy tomorrow with their little girl who is a few months younger than Madison. They are going for a much different reason, though. Paxten has been fighting leukemia since just before Christmas last year and they are headed to Mercy for a bone marrow transplant to save their sweet little daughter's life. Please keep Pax and her parents, doctors, nurses, and family in your continued prayers over the coming weeks and months. They need this transplant to go smoothly and for Paxten's body to accept the transplant. This has been a long, hard fight and they need you to lift them up in prayer!

Thank you friends! If I've learned anything over the last few years, it's that we serve a God who can heal all wounds. I know my Healer can make life better for these two little girls tomorrow and I'm resting in that tonight.

Open Letter Series – Part One – Me

Dear younger Beth,

You’re awesome, don’t change a thing.

The end.

Just kidding. For real now:

Dear high school me,

We’ve lived a strong 26 years now. I’m not saying that’s a very long time, but the last 10 years have held a lot of learning, so let’s talk about some nuggets of wisdom that your future self has to share!

Stop worrying. Trust me, it will get you nowhere. You’re being ridiculous and wasting a lot of really good brain cells. Trust Him to plan things for you and listen when He tells you to do something.

Stop chasing boys. Robert Pike is right – they’re dumb, ESPECIALLY in high school. Trust me, the man you will marry (Who is named Randal by the way, just get used to the jokes now!) is much better than any that you’ve got your eye on now.

Cut the attitude, at least part of it. Yes, most of the things you say are pretty good and even deserved (that detention was and will always be completely bogus). But you’ll say some things over the next few years that you’ll regret. You are not as smart or mature as you think you are. And know that that is ok. You aren’t supposed to be.

Treasure this time at home. As excited as you are to get out of high school, and as awesome as the next few years will be when you move out on your own, meet the man you’ve been looking for, and prove to yourself and everyone that you can be independent, you’ll miss this time. The late night talks with your mom, the Sundays watching football with your dad, the chocolate chip cookies in the oven every weekend, the homemade meals that someone else usually made – you’ll miss it all. Take it in and take a deep breath. Slow down and enjoy it.

Embrace your geeky self. Sit on the couch and watch TCM all weekend. Go ahead and read the Harry Potter books (they’re just as good as everyone says they are!).

Listen to more music – expand your catalog. You’ll appreciate all kinds of great artistry later, so start it now. And take those vocal lessons your dad offered…you were dumb to say no and you’ll regret it later.

Last, but certainly not least, love yourself. You’re beautiful and you need to figure that out a little sooner than I did. Stop worrying about how you look in your cheer uniform, it’s really not that big of a deal and you look way better than you think you do. You’re not dumb, you’re just really good at standing up for what you believe (this will come in pretty handy over the years!) Keep walking with Him and you’ll be ok, you can be confident in that.

He will heal all of your wounds. He will pick you up and put you back together over the next few years, every time everything falls apart (sorry to say there’s a few of those). He’ll bless you with a great guy and 2 beautiful kids (You make pretty babies!) whose laughter lights up your world. He’s put such a strong support system in place for you, learn to trust in that and treasure your friends. Keep in the Word, Jr. High quiz won’t stay with you forever (no, you can’t recite the genealogy in Matthew from memory anymore!). Just be yourself…you are who you’re supposed to be, but you’re not the woman you will be. And trust me, she’s pretty cool too :)

Sincerely,

You

Since last we met...

Things have seemed busy here lately, but I know they're only going to get more hectic as we get closer to the end of the year!  Here's what's been going on in the recent past:

Mark It With a "B" Bakery has been keeping me on my toes!  I've had several orders this month and it's been a ton of fun!

Randal took a business trip to California a couple of weeks ago.  We missed him a ton and the kids were super excited to go pick him up at the airport. He does such a great job and I'm so proud of how hard he works at his job, but it is nice to have him home :)

Of course, Thanksgiving was this past week, so that was a ton of fun!  I love the holidays and all the craziness that comes with them!  We had the Schafers family get together on Wednesday evening and had a great time stuffing our faces.  On Thursday, we drove down to Edmond for the Randall family's get together and stayed through Friday.  We ate, we played games, we watched football, we ate lots more. All in all, a great couple of days!

The Saturday before Thanksgiving, we went over to Randal's parents' house and helped set up their Christmas tree and some of their other decorations.  That Sunday, I put up our tree and got our house decked out.  On Friday, on our way home from OK, we made a detour to A-town and helped my parents get their tree up (and drag out all their other decorations).  My favorite day of the year has always been helping my mommy put up the Christmas decor while listening to wonderful holiday music. What a fun time :)

We have Madison's appt up at Children's Mercy on Dec. 7th.  Hopefully, we'll get some answers for our sweet little lady and she can be a little more comfortable!  Her birthday is next month, so I'm busy planning that party as well! I'm so excited for her Dr. Seuss party and know she's going to have a blast!

As an early New Years Resolution, I've decided to be more diligent about writing letters to the people I care about.  I'm excited about making this more of a priority and plan to blog some of these to keep them around.  Yay for technology!

The gloves are coming off.

I recently read a book about being a "happy mother".  I can't say that it was earth shattering or life changing, but I can say that I think it's something every woman should consider reading, mother or not. I enjoyed talking with another mom who was reading it at the same time and discussing some of the points...one chapter in particular.

The chapter that hit home for me was the one about competition.  I'm horrible about this, I'm just going to come out and admit that right off the bat.  Most women are, let's be really honest.  We are catty - it's one of our most well-known traits across all generations.  We like to gossip and compare ourselves to those around us.  As a working mom, I feel like I have to "measure up" to those that stay at home.  Like I have to prove that, even though I'm not with my kids all day, we have just as good of a bond and my kids are just as smart and well adjusted. As a woman, I have to "measure up" with the way that I look.  Well this has got to stop.  Because if I really want to call myself a Christ follower, then I have to be making the effort to become more like Him.  And He is not catty.  He doesn't gossip. He doesn't compare.  I am made in His image, so I need to stop with all the silly comparisons. 

These comparisons, this competition, it's breaking us. It's stealing away wonderful relationships.  The "I'm prettier than her" and "I'm a better mom than her" attitudes are keeping us from fabulous friendships.  The "she's not good enough for him" attitudes are breaking up our marriages.  The "I have to prove that I'm a better woman/mom than her" attitude is stealing time away from our families.  The "I'm too good for her" attitudes are defeating our ministries.  The "I need to lose 10 more pounds to look as good as her" attitudes are compromising our confidence and resulting in unhealthy body images for us and our daughters. 

This cycle has gone on for thousands of years...and it's just going to continue unless we make a real effort to stop it.  It's in our nature, so it's hard to fight, but it's worth the effort.  We need to make a point of lifting each other up, encouraging one another.  Find the good in the women around us.  Stop comparing and just start seeing. 

Then, I think, we'll be able to have the relationships that God is aching for us to have - the no-holds-barred kind of loving relationships we were made for.

I’m a dweeb and I love it.

I’ve come to the realization over the years that I am a complete dork.  Over the last few years, I’ve fully embraced my dweeby self and have learned that this is a wonderful thing! J Here are a few gems of examples:

1) I recently decided that minivan drivers should have a cool wave like bikers do.  I’m still trying to come up with one that I can incorporate into my upper-body dancing that I do while driving.  Any input is appreciated.

2) I consider time alone in the car to be time only well spent if I belt at least several songs and I enjoy the looks from other drivers while I do my finger dancing on the steering wheel and sometimes throw in some shoulder movement if I'm really feeling it.

3) I can’t accessorize to save my life.

4) I love cookbooks.

5) I would be perfectly happy staying cuddled up on the couch and watching Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart movies all weekend long.

6) I love movies like Spinal Tap.  Did you know that 11/11/11 is Nigel Tufnel day? Crank it up.

7) I dance and sing around the house. The kids think it’s fun now and like to join me.  Wait until they’re older and their friends come over!  This is gonna be good.

8) I use jazz hands and air quotes on a regular basis.

9) I act like a 70 year old woman.  I use words people my age don’t, I know who people are that I shouldn’t, and I am falling apart.

10) I hate being referred to as “ma’am”, but I refer to people one year younger than me as “kids”.

11) I cry at everything – tv shows, reality competitions, commercials, songs, you name it, I have teared up at it.

12) I love excel spreadsheets.

13) I get REALLY excited about really small things…like, can’t sleep, can’t get my mind off of it, excited.

14) I can rarely remember how old I really am.

15) Sometimes, when I’m baking and/or cooking, I like to pretend I’m on a Food Network show…yes, really.

16) I constantly have a song in my head and struggle not to hum all day long (sorry to my coworkers!).

17)  I'm always getting hooked on iPhone strategy and puzzle games, like Drop 7 (my current addiction).

18) I am writing this blog and admitting all of these things. J

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

This is how photo shoots go at our house...

Madison! Mommy's over here.  Ok, say "cheese!"

Bahahaha! Ok, Mason, don't cheese too much!

Ok, but you still have to at least smile a little bit.  Madison, move your hand so I can see your shirt.

Mason, you look like a Zombie...Madison, stand up!

Goofy.

Ok, that's a good one.  We obviously can't do this together, so let's just stick with individual pictures. Now smile! :)

Now, howl like a wolf!

Let's Talk...

I love to blog for several reasons:

1) It gives me a great outlet.  I know most of what I say, no one cares about.  So I can put it out in the bloggy universe and you can choose to read or choose to ignore.  It’s a win-win J

2) It gives me the chance to document all of the hilarious and wonderful things that happen in my day to day life.  I’m not always good about remembering, but I love being able to put these stories down for the kids to read later…I’m sure they’ll appreciate it, no matter how embarrassing, right??

3) It gives me the confirmation that I need that I’m not alone.  No matter what I write about, I usually have someone tell me that what I’m thinking/feeling is what they’ve been thinking/feeling and that they appreciate knowing that they’re not the only one!  Well that makes two of us!  And that brings us to the topic of today’s post…

I don’t like feeling crazy.  I feel that way often, and I probably am…but I still don’t like feeling like it.  No one likes to feel alone - we learn that at a young age.  So how is that we’re so hesitant to talk to each other about things?  I always find that when I actually talk about something with my girlfriends, I feel a lot less crazy!  I think, as females, we’re more hesitant to look ridiculous and be judged, which keeps us from talking about the things that are on our minds sometimes, which is a real shame, because we’re the best resource that other women have! 

Here are some of the things I’m thankful I’ve found someone to talk to about:

1) Being a working mom, or a mom in general.  As you can tell from my previous post about this topic, it’s easy to feel a little unorganized and crazy with this lifestyle.  It’s easy to feel judged.  It’s easy to have a mental breakdown.  This is where my friends and message board buddies come in handy.  They remind me to slow down and take a breath and that it’s ok to not be perfect at everything.  And that, yes, I’m completely nuts, but that it’s ok.  And that my kids will understand some day and even thank me for it (b/c that’s how I raised them!!).  I want to be a great mom, and that means working hard.  I want to be a great wife, and that means working even harder. It’s easy to get lost in all that I’m thinking and feeling when I’m constantly going a million MPH.  Other moms make me realize that I’m not the only one in this crazy loop.

2)   Child bearing.  This is a long one, and I apologize in advance.
a. First off, the getting pregnant part:  This is more difficult for some than others.  For us, we were lucky.  It took us a year of trying to get pregnant with Mason.  I was ready to go see a doctor when we got a positive test b/c it had been a full year exactly.  That year seemed like forever, even though I knew that it wasn’t that long.  I waited 6 months to tell anyone that we were trying. I was starting to panic and feel like it wasn’t going to happen, so I asked some of my closest friends for prayer and I am so very thankful that I did.  They prayed over me that night and read scripture and encouraged me more than anyone else could.  They didn’t know how I felt exactly, as they hadn’t been in my shoes, but they were there for me anyway.  I know lots of people who’ve had to wait more than a year…some who know they’ll never get to experience this.  In any situation, it’s so important that we have someone to talk to.  This is too much to keep inside.

b.Next, the pregnant part:  I cannot put into words how glad I am that I had someone to talk to during this period of my life.  I was miserable and there were lots of weirdly gross things happening to my body.  Only some of those gross things are covered in books.  Even they don’t want to talk about some of it.  Again, feeling crazy, I found a couple of people that I could be open and honest with.  They were so sweet and hilarious and offered up their best advice, no matter how odd the question.  I mean, who wants to talk about placentas and mucus plugs?  No one.  That’s who.  But good friends talk about it anyway, b/c that’s the only way you know you’re not losing vital pieces of your body!  Pregnancy is gross and uncomfortable.  And while it’s different for everyone, your friends will understand whatever you’re wondering about.

c.  Labor and Delivery:  I will admit that I’m one of those people…the girl who likes to know every possible scenario going into a situation.  Ask Randal, I owned every pregnancy book I could find.  I wanted to know what I was in for.  And when I had complications, I had lots of good references between my books and my friends. Going into labor and delivery, I knew what to expect.  But it was because of my friends I knew the stuff the books don’t tell you.  It was because of my friends that, even though I had the longest day of my life, I was comfortable with how it all went down and knew that it was ok.  Let’s go ahead and understand that there will be about 100 people present when the big action goes down.  Let’s talk about how gross and wonderful it all is.  Let’s talk about staying in good spirits through the emotional roller coaster that is labor.  Let’s talk about feeling like you have to push and having to fight that urge with everything that you have for an hour while you can’t talk.  I didn’t even have the chance to tell Randal that I hated him for doing this to me…those movie scenes are complete bull!

d. Recovery:  I think this is the thing that goes unspoken, and I think it’s the most important.  The previous stages of this process are the ones you hear the stories about.  {I did have friends that I talked to about my labor experience, and I think that’s extremely important.  I also blogged about the process.  If you have given birth and have not documented that experience, you should.  It’s so therapeutic, you will thank yourself.  Plus, you can show it to your kids someday and they can “oooo” and “ahhh” in amazement of your toughness!} You just don’t hear many women talking about their recovery, and you should.  I think it’s sad that a lot of us go into this stage without knowing a whole lot.  You read in the baby books about your child’s first 6 weeks of life and how to take care of them, but there’s usually only a few paragraphs about how to take care of YOU.  And that’s the hard part.  If you’ve had a c-section, if you’ve had tearing, if you’ve had the smoothest labor imaginable…it doesn’t matter.  Your body has been through the most traumatic event it will ever experience and you have to recover physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Which is not easy to do when you’re sleep deprived and on painkillers.  You can’t even sit and stand up like a normal human being. You’re scared of going #2.  You’re busy dealing with changing your own disgusting diaper of a setup, yet you still have to change the tarry thing that’s on your baby’s bottom.  And if you’re nursing, your body is still being rented out for useful purposes, which is a little unnerving sometimes and makes you feel completely taken over, body and soul.  I didn’t have anyone to really talk to about the recovery process, and I really wish I would have.  I didn’t realize until several months after Mason was born that I had some post-partum depression and the way that I felt was not the “norm” for a new mom.  I didn’t have anyone to tell me to take extra ice packs home from the hospital (and yes, they’re that important).  I didn’t have anyone to give me tips on how to deal with taking breaks at work to hide in a bathroom and pump (awkward!).  This is the part I’m the most passionate about because I feel like it’s where the biggest void is.  I want my friends to know what to expect so that they can take care of themselves and their family in the best way.

3) Marriage and yes, sex.  Marriage is a roller coaster and sometimes you need to talk to someone who’s not on the one you’re on.   When Randal and I have gone through our valleys, our friends have been there for us.  They’ve told us we’re being stupid, they’ve told us we’re doing the right thing, they’ve pushed us to be better for each other.  They’ve prayed for us.  They’ve entertained us with their stories.  When we’ve gone through our peaks, and sometimes when we’re still in the valley, I’d like to think I’ve been able to give some insight into my friends’ marriages.  This can obviously never replace talking to your spouse about what’s going on, but I think it’s important to have friends you can trust that know both of you and can give you a good laugh and let you know you’re not alone.  The same goes for the “off-limits” topic of sex.  Who said married people couldn’t discuss sex?  Males and females are way different, we know this…so sometimes, we need to talk to someone other than our spouse about this to know that we’re not crazy or alone.  This has been the source of much hilarity and support among my friends and I.  And I know guys talk about, so I don’t see why we can’t. 

4) Church.  This is an important part of our lives, but religion is one of those taboo topics you don’t talk about at the dinner table, right?  Wrong. If it’s important to you, you should be able to have a good, stimulating conversation about it with your friends.  My girlfriends are my best accountability partners and keep me in check on my walk.  We love pushing each other to become more like Christ.  I’m so glad that I have friends that are honest with me and demand that I grow into the woman they know I can be. 

5) Random stuff.  Life happens.  Every day is a set of new challenges, opportunities, and hilarious happenings.  I love talking to my friends about absolutely nothing.  I love having gut laughs over coffee and having a book club where we don’t get around to talking about what we’ve read until we need to leave. 

I love that my friends are an extension of my family.  I would be a different person without them, my life would be much less entertaining, and Randal would get really tired of talking about redecorating and antiques.  My friends are priceless and I know that they are a gift from God.  They are women of integrity that push me to be the girl I’m designed to be.  They make me feel a lot less crazy and pick me up when I’m down.  What a blessing to have sisters in Christ (including my own wonderful bio sister!) that I can be open and honest with.  And what a much better place this world would be if everyone had that group of girlfriends. 

My baby boy is THREE!!

Mason had his birthday last month…wow! How time really does fly! Those mostly sleep deprived, horribly hormonal, beautiful days when he was a newborn seem just like yesterday!

*Side note: That thing about forgetting all that stuff?? It’s a lie. You don’t forget. You
remember, or at least I do, every horrible moment of miserable pregnancy problems and a
horrific labor process. I will never forget, and neither will my children! I remember, but I still
say they’re worth it *

We opted for a Sesame Street birthday this year – Mason was super excited about having an Elmo
cake! I will say, it’s way more fun planning a birthday party when you feel like your child actually gets
it and is excited about it! We had a ton of fun celebrating with some of our friends and family and
Mason thought it was so much fun! Before he was even done opening his gifts, he looked at me and
asked if he could have another birthday! So sweet! He made sure that I knew ahead of time that he
wanted everyone to sing “Happy Birthday To Me” and to clap after, so he was pretty pumped when that happened and just giggled on my lap the whole time!

Little sister had a ton of fun at the party too! She looked adorable in her Cookie Monster outfit, but
refused to keep the tutu on after about 15 minutes . I always said I don’t know what I would do if I
had a girly girl…that I didn’t think I could handle not being able to relate to her. Well, I got what I asked for! She refuses to wear cute skirts, tutus, shoes, or bows in her hair! I refuse to cut her mullet so that people will actually be able to tell that she’s a girl!

Madison has learned to take her diaper off and refuses to keep her clothes on now. Everyone always
warned me that I would have a problem with the BOY not keeping his clothes on…who knew my little
baby girl would be such a streaker?! She’s starting to get a little more verbal, but finds creative ways to communicate with us throughout the day. She loves to read and would have our bedtime story-time
session be every book on the shelf if she could.

Mason is completely potty trained now (can I get a HALLELUJAH?!). Staying dry through the night, so no more pullups! Yay! He also likes to announce to us and to the world that he has boy parts and his sister doesn’t. And he’s awfully concerned that someone stole hers. Great. I’m really looking forward to the over-heard conversations in the public restroom about this issue. It’s both sad and sweet that it bothers him so much and I have to contain my laughter every time we visit this topic.

His favorite thing right now is talking about being a Ginger. He’s so proud! And he loves to talk about
Cody (our pastor) and call him a ginger. We thank God for all the gingers during our prayers every night. That’s right, Gingers of the world, we’ve got you covered with the Big Guy.

In Mommy Management news – I have new chore charts that I’m super excited about. I miss being the
organizational freak that I used to be and this is my attempt at re-claiming my former self. Who knew
daily/weekly/monthly checklists could be so fun?

A peek into the life of a Working Mom, Proceed with Caution:

*For other working moms – enjoy the comic relief
*For husbands – take notes and act accordingly (aka – buy a massage and do some laundry)
*For SAHMs who used to work outside the home – enjoy the comic relief
*For SAHMs who have never worked outside the home – enjoy the glimpse and laugh at me


I’ve realized over the last 3 years that there is a huge disconnect between the world of working moms and the rest of the world, so this is my attempt to close that gap. I know it probably won’t do any good, but I’m putting it out in the universe anyway! Enjoy!


My normal day:


4:30 am – Alarm goes off. Either get up and work out, or hit the snooze button as hard as I can in order to sleep until the last minute before having to get ready for work (unfortunately, it’s usually the latter).
5:50 am – Start the getting ready process
*Sometime between 5:50 and 6:30 am – 1 or more children wake up and come into visit. This slows down the getting ready process considerably…
6:30 am – Realize that we’re running behind and scramble to get the kids ready before finishing myself
6:40 am – Realize that I need to change my shirt and/or pants b/c they have snot, slobber, or boogers on them
6:45 am – Argue with Mason about why he cannot take Buzz Lightyear to daycare.
6:46 am – Argue with Mason about why he cannot take the 10 toys he shoved into his backpack to daycare.
6:47 am – Chase Madison through the house trying to put her shoes on.
6:48 am – Load up in the car and wrestle with car seat straps.
6:50 am – The kids are too cute waving and saying “bye bye” to daddy as we back out of the garage
6:50 – 6:55 am – Have a wonderful conversation with Mason about the cars, the birds in the trees, the sun, and how God made us while Madison interjects every once in a while with a funny noise or random word so that we don’t forget her.
6:55 am – Arrive at daycare. Proceed to give hugs and kisses and start their day off right. End with either: tears, snotty noses, and tight grips on pant legs or complete indifference to the fact I’m present.
7:00 am – Run out of the sitter’s house to get ahead of crappy rush hour traffic. Deal with dumb people for 40 – 45 minutes while I try to enjoy Kidd Kraddick’s random talk.
7:45 am – Arrive at work, turn off mommy brain and turn on working brain.
8 am – 11 am – Work, work, work. Keep a notepad on desk. As kids, husband, etc pop into brain, make notes so you don’t forget to take care of things. This never stops. Take a minute, write it down. Back to work.
11 am – Take early lunch break to get errands done. 1 hour to make it to 3 different stores…GO!
11:01 am – Get stuck behind the couple out for a Sunday drive. Miss every green light while fighting bad thoughts.
11:10 am – arrive at first destination, a little frazzled from drive. Realize you left your shopping list on your desk or at home. Wing it. Then get stuck behind a SAHM fresh off her workout at the Y doing her grocery shopping with her 4 kids at the only lane open on this side of the store. Debate about whether you should just go put back the 10 items you’re buying and decide that you can’t. Wait and wait. Then get checked out in 2 minutes and run to the car.
11:30 am – Proceed to next store. Arrive even more frazzled than before. You have 5 minutes to get in and out if you want to make your next stop. After 10 minutes, accept the fact that you’re never going to make it and figure out a plan B.
11:55 am – Arrive back at work. Make or heat up lunch in kitchen in time to eat at desk while getting back to work.
12 pm – 5 pm – Repeat 8am – 11am. Add in random thoughts about the evening’s activities and dinner especially. Realize you forgot to take the hamburger out of the freezer. Come up with yet another plan B.
5 pm – Run out the door to try and beat traffic. Turn on full mommy brain and spend the next 45 minutes singing as loudly as possible with Beyonce, Adele, Shane & Shane, Andrew Peterson and Cobra Starship (current playlist, depending on mood). Enjoy strange looks from fellow drivers. Attempt to de-stress.
5:45 pm – Arrive at daycare. Enjoy the running yells and hugs from M&m. Hear about their day and get them prepped for the evenings activities as we load up to head home.
6 pm – Arrive home and make dinner with hubs.
6:30 pm – Fight with children that they either need to eat more or can’t have any more b/c they ate everything (depending on mood…) Depending on evening, freak out that we’re late or freak out b/c there’s so much to do at home.
6:45 pm – Kids are messy from dinner - Bath time. Hubs takes care of baths while I clean, do dishes, or do job-work.
7 pm – Get kids ready for bed. Brush teeth, potty, comb hair, get dressed.
7:05 pm – Play time/ Chore time. Try and keep the house clean while enjoying the kids for a while.
7:30 pm – Story time while the kids eat their snack. Randal makes funny voices to make fun of my funny voices. The kids love both. We say our prayers and Mason tries to repeat what I say while Madison giggles at his attempts to say “I pray the Lord my soul to keep” slowly and perfectly.
8 pm – Depending on how the day went, for the kids and for us, bedtime falls between 8 and 9.
9 pm – With the kids in bed, and hopefully asleep, I can get something done. Or, I can take a hot bubble bath and read a book. Or, I can enjoy junk TV with the hubs. Again, depends on the mood.
10 pm – I’m exhausted. I fall asleep as my head hits the pillow. I dream of crazy things…work and personal.
12:30 am - Get woken up in the middle of the night by crying kids. Either take them potty or get them a drink, or tuck them back in and talk them back to sleep.
1 am – Still lying in bed trying to get back to sleep. To do lists are swimming in my head. Must shut off. Count sheep, count breaths, count everything. This only leads to more counting and more lists. Decide to do Sudoku on my phone.
1:30 am – Start to feel eyelids droop. Shut phone off and lay head down and drift into dream land.
1:35 am – Get woken up by crying child. Repeat above steps.
4:30 am – Start all over again.


Now what lessons have we learned from this?
1) I’m exhausted. I’m tired and stressed and feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions with a million different things in my head all the time. Throw in the fact that, when you first go back to work after baby, you've added in extra hormone swings and mandatory breaks from work. When kids are sick, you have to debate about who can afford to take a sick day that day and/or work from home. It's a whole other world.
2) I’m glad I have Randal to help with the above. I couldn’t do this on my own. Having someone else to run errands and help with chores and entertain children is beyond wonderful. To do it with your best friend and be able to have someone to hang out with after the kids are in bed, even better :)
3) People who don’t work need to stay out of stores and off the roads between 11 am and 2 pm if possible. I know it might be an inconvenience for you to rearrange your day. But it’s a big inconvenience to me for you not to. So thanks.
4) I can’t make it to children’s activities from 7 am to 6 pm. So “family time” activities from 10 – 12 don’t work. Mommy and kid classes from 3-6 don’t work. Santa being available from 8 to 10 is not helpful. Frustrating is an understatement.
5) I love my SAHM friends. I’m lucky and most of mine are very understanding of my much different schedule and try to be flexible and sympathetic when I just need some kid time instead of a girl's night. They know that I know that they work just as hard as I do and that we just have a different lifestyle. We laugh about our different days and love getting a glimpse into each others’ lives.
6) I don’t like being judged by the people that think I’m a bad mother b/c I work. Throw in the fact that I have my baking business in addition to the above schedule and sometimes I feel like people are really judging me. Could be my own paranoia, but when people say “How do you make time for it all?” I hear “Wow. That’s a lot. You must be a really horrible mother since you ignore your children all the time”. Whether you work b/c you need the money or b/c you need the outside-the-home activity, power to you! Either way, you’re giving your kids what’s best for them b/c you’re taking care of the family as a whole. And that’s a way bigger responsibility than anything else and no one can judge you for that.
7) Regarding the above. There is no way to “make time for it all”. You do what you have to do when it has to be done. I drop the ball all the time, but luckily my husband and my kids are very forgiving and know that I’m juggling a lot. So we pick up and plug on.
8) I am thankful for friends and family that understand. They babysit, they check in, they make a point to ask for time and are flexible until the schedule works out. They are wonderful and supportive.
9) I wouldn’t change it for the world. My life is crazy and hectic. Some days are wonderful, some are frustrating and I want to give up. But it’s worth it. It’s SO worth it. I'm crazy, but it's the good kind.
10) I am thankful for a God that designed my brain to be like spaghetti instead of a waffle. I don’t want to compartmentalize. Yes, I’m jealous of the fact that working dads can go to work and turn off “daddy brain” and just focus on work. They don’t keep to do lists for what errands need to be run at lunch. It’s exhausting, but I’m happy that’s my role. God made me just for this. And He made me dependant on Him to recharge my batteries. I know that when I’m feeling ragged and run-down, I can rest in Him. And that’s something every mother can relate to!
11) I live for the weekends and holidays. Saturday morning cartoons and homemade pancakes in our PJs can’t be beat!


This is worth working for:

Growing Pains

A few weeks ago I read these words on a blog I frequent:

***Side note – this quote is from Linny at aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com.  I don’t know her personally, but would love to meet her someday.  She is one of the most loving, caring, sincerely God glorifying women you’ll ever even hear about.  And to truly understand this quote, you need to read her recent posts.  ***End side note

Wherever we are,

Whatever our own circumstance,

There are always

People needing us to be His hands and feet.

We aren’t “off the hook” because of our own pain.

In fact, He has placed us wherever we are,

At just that moment,

{no matter what}

To share with those around us.

The Lord is continuously trusting us to serve others on His behalf

No matter our own situation:

Truly a God-sized privilege.

And each time, we are again reminded,

That even in our own weakness,

He is still made strong.

 

This really got me thinking (what’s new?).  In the last year, we’ve had a lot of hurts…a lot of pain and suffering.   Emotional, physical, and spiritual.  It’s taken its toll.  It started almost exactly a year ago, so I got to thinking…what else has come out of this?  Has it just been bad?  Has it just been painful?  Or have we grown?  Have we given God the opportunity to reveal Himself or pushed Him away? 

Where was I one year ago?  How does that compare to where I am today?  (Where were you when “X” happened?  How have you grown since?)
I’d like to toot my own horn and say that I’m a much better person than I ever have been before, but I’ll tell the truth instead…


I was bitter.  I was broken and I took it out on others.  I might not have been super angry, but I just wasn’t present.  I was a complete space-cadet for a while and didn’t take care enough for myself or those around me.  I dropped the ball on things and wasn’t always there for those that needed me. 

The good thing?  God knew.  He walked me through it.  He didn’t care and He loved me anyway.  I am so thankful that I had a faith strong enough to get me through those dark days, and it is because of Him that my faith remained intact.  Nothing I could have done could have prepared me for this year.  His work in my life over the past 25 years was exactly what it needed to be.  My family and friends were exactly the right people I needed in my life at this time.  He gave them the words I needed to hear.  He mended my heart when it was broken and picked me up.  He showed me the woman He planned for me to be and showed me how to get there. 

He showed me the marriage He wanted me to have.  He showed me the people he wanted my children to be.  He showed me how what I was walking through would bless others.  He showed me that, in my weakness, He was again proven to be stronger than I had given Him credit for.  He showed me that, while I was trusting Him, I wasn’t leaning on Him.  He showed me how He could really, truly, use me for His purpose.

You see, I always thought I was letting Him use me.  I’ve always tried to see those opportunities for me to Kingdom work.  But this has opened my eyes to areas where He really needs me.  And I’m so thankful that He’s letting me do that.  Like the quote above, I know He’s placed me exactly where I am “for such a time as this”.  He knew where I needed to be in order to serve Him well.  And He plopped me down in the middle of it and opened my eyes. 


I am so thankful for His plans.  I am thankful for His comfort when I need it most.  We're not out of the woods yet, so I am thankful that I can look to the future with hope because I know He’ll help me through and that He knows the plan.  And I am thankful to know that I will be able to look back on these days with these new eyes and see what a great work He has done.