I heart February!

February has been busy and is just the start to several hectic months of scheduling!  Here's a very brief rundown of our month so far!

~We had a great time celebrating my birthday at the beginning of the month.  The kids were such a huge help and we got to share Love with so many people! Such a blessing to us and hopefully to them too!

~Randal's company did some "rearranging" and he got moved under a different Director and also got a promotion! So proud of him for working so hard at CCH!

~Mason is still loving school.  We had his first parent teacher conference and  had so much fun having him show us what he gets to do when he's the "leader".  Funny story from his teacher (who thankfully is also a friend!) a few days later though...

When asked what rhymes with "stuck", Mason thought through the alphabet for a good rhyme and threw out a word that starts with F.  Thankfully, there was no recognition on his, or any of the other kids' faces, and the teachers were able to just glaze over that one. Oh my! How embarrassing! So glad he didn't actually know what he was saying!

~Madison is continuing to make really great progress on her speech and is still loving her sessions. As she gets easier to understand, it becomes more apparent how sassy she has become!  The "3's" might be rough with this girl! 

~We survived Valentine's Day and the kids had a blast celebrating Heart Day!

~ We are in the middle of our first decent snow storm of the season and the kids are so excited! I'm pretty pumped too, but would be much happier if I had chosen a profession where I got snow days too! ha! The kiddos did help me shovel the driveway tonight when we got home and had a blast scooping and making snow angels while I shoveled around them.

~ We were able to get down to Edmond and see my family this past weekend and had a blast going to Eric's basketball game and to Holly's volleyball tournament! Eric plays at Oklahoma Christian and the school has been amazing in showing their support, with the team wearing lime green socks (lymphoma awareness color) and people wearing shirts printed with "No One Fights Alone" on the back to match the bracelets we are all wearing. The folks at OC have impressed me and will always be considered extended family. Bonus on the weekend was that Eric & Holly both won, which is always fun!

~We are gearing up for some busy weeks ahead including lots of church events and a KU game this coming weekend with my family! 

Happy February to everyone!!!

A Different Kind of Worship

I have been very guilty of not thinking of the word "worship" properly over the years. I think a lot of us tend to just strictly think of music when we hear it, and we do God a great injustice when we focus on that one avenue. We are able to worship Him in every aspect of our life, not just through song. That is really such a small piece of the worship puzzle after all.  That was something that was a hard lesson for Him to teach me - but is a lesson that I'm so very thankful to have learned.  Because of it, I've found freedom in worship and have experienced Him on an entirely different level.

Over the past few years, I've wrestled with Him more about worship, but in a different way. He's pressed me to think deeply and search for what worship looks like in the middle of trials, in the valleys, when worship, as I knew it, just didn't seem to feel right. 

My relationship with God has been stretched and strengthened in the recent past in amazing ways. He has walked me through the darkest of days, through emotional, mental, and physical pain, through stress and hardship, as well as mistakes made by me and by those closest to me. He's shown me who He is and who He's molding me to be.

And even though He's given me the strength to remain at peace with His promises, and my relationship with Him has remained strong, there have still been dark times. I've struggled to understand what it means to worship this God that I love when I'm still feeling tired, pressed, hurt, and stretched and learning how to lean on Him even more.

This is the only thing I fully understood:  When I'm in the worst of my days, I worship much differently than I do when I'm in my best days.

But what does that look like? How do I bring glory to Him and lift Him high in worship when I'm still in these valleys? In the midst of suffering? When my imperfect heart wants to be so much better than it is?

I still don't know the answer, really. Honestly, I don't even really know why I'm writing this blog! Maybe I think that if I've wrestled so much with these questions, someone else must have them too. Maybe someone much wiser than me can give me the right answers after I share this...

I've listened to sermons, I've read devotionals, I've prayed until exhaustion, I've read Job about 3000 times...and for now, this is what God's revealed to me.

*I worship Him in acknowledging and trusting who He is. He shows His faithfulness again and again and continues to amaze me with who He truly is.

*I worship Him in trusting His plan. He is the master painter and He writes the best stories. I know He has a plan for my pain...and He wants me to realize that even though I don't understand it, I must submit to it, and that His plans for me and my life will exceed any of my own expectations.

*I worship Him in rejoicing in what's He's doing in me. Even if my circumstances aren't changing and they might not ever be what I want them to be, I know He's completing a work in me, and that is worth celebrating.

*I worship Him in expressing my pain. When I'm honest with Him, when I hold Him as a close enough friend to vocalize my innermost emotions, He is glorified.

*I worship Him by serving others. In showing His love, even in the midst of hard days, we point people to Him. He has given me opportunities to reach out to other people fighting fights that I can relate to. He has presented those chances as a way to be His hands and feet and serve others with the goal of revealing more of Him in the process.

*I worship Him by carrying on. I will make mistakes. Others will too. Both instances will cause pain and heartache because we are imperfect people who can accomplish little more than utter destruction when left to our own devices. It would be easy to give up. But in dusting ourselves off and carrying on with the tasks at hand, He is seen. In drawing on His strength and His peace, the mundane things that can seem overwhelming and exhausting can become expressions of praise.

*I worship Him in song. This is definitely specific to me, and why I put so much emphasis on music for so long. God made me connected to music in a beautiful way and it is how I express myself to Him in ways I can't do otherwise.  When I cannot seem to collect my thoughts or express myself, I am able to lift Him up in song and show my heart.

*I worship Him in wanting to get to know Him better.  Even in the midst of the struggles, diving into His Word and talking to Him and getting to know Him better helps cement who He is and how faithful He has been. He is glorified when we seek to know Him more.

Worshipping in these ways feels different in the valleys than it does on the peaks. It's hard to put into words...and basically, I've just been rambling here because of that...

The valley is a pain filled place to worship, one that I wish was easier some days...one that I wish didn't have to be thought through so much...one that I wish would mean that everything was fine and dandy once you figured it out.

It is pain filled, yes.  But I have found that these moments of worship in the valleys are sweeter than others in so many ways.  They are filled with genuinely deep passion and emotion...with so much resting in those moments...so many nudgings and reminders of the One who deserves all of our worship, no matter what that looks like to each of His creations...

28 Intentional Acts of Kindness

It's not technically my birthday until Tuesday, but we got started celebrating early! I started working on my "Acts of Kindness" on Friday and continued the fun today.

All in all, it has been a great birthday so far.  I can't explain how fun it is to dedicate an entire day...or weekend...to doing random things for random people.  Some of this stuff I would do throughout the year, but some of it took more planning than I usually care to commit to. Most of my normal "acts of kindness" are accidental and having to be diligent and intentional like this makes you think about and realize how much need for kindness there is in your everyday life.  The reactions from others always shocks me and shows me how much people need love and care, even from complete strangers...

For those of you that are curious, here's what the birthday activities consisted of:

1. I bought a Mama Kit from Mercy for Mamas in my mommy's name. I figured I'm celebrating my birthday and she did all the hard work, so we'd start there!

2. The kids and I dropped off some coloring books & crayons at a family doctor's office for kids waiting for their appointments.

This was Mason's view of his little sister while we drove around making our deliveries :)

3. We took a small care package (lotion, chapstick, & jolly ranchers) to an oncology office where patients recieve their treatments. I asked the receptionist to give the package to a patient that seemed like they could use a pick-me-up. I think this was one of the most special ones for me and the receptionist seemed genuinely shocked to get something so random, which made it even better.

4.  We dropped off some books to add to the library at the Lady Bugg House, a local organization that I just love.

5. We ate lunch at Chick-fil-A and we left some "boogie wipes" (moms should know and love those things!) in the bathroom.

I made these little notes to tie onto as many things as possible so that I could easily explain (or could explain in my absence) what was happening.

6. We took some shampoo by the Wichita Children's Home.

7. I prepaid for some gas on a pump at Dillons.  Gas had gone up 10 cents that day, so hopefully the person who pulled up next felt a little less pain at the pump!

8. We dropped off some cookies at the Mulvane fire department and thanked the fire fighters for keeping us all safe. The guy on duty was awesome and let the kids come back and see the trucks and even let them climb around for a while.  This was obviously the kids' favorite stop!

9. We left a few $1 bills in the toy section at Dollar Tree so some lucky kids could pick out some fun stuff.  The kids had fun hiding the bills, but I think Randal had more fun trying to hide his the best.

10. I taped some quarters to some gumball machines in front of the store.

11. I taped a small Dillons gift card to a cart for the next shopper. It wasn't much, but hopefully it helped a little bit!

12. I paid for the person's coffee behind me.

13. I gave up a killer parking spot and walked from the other side of the parking lot hoping that someone else would really enjoy that "I got the best parking spot" feeling!

14.  This one, admittedly, was not much of a sacrifice. I allowed myself some extra alone time to wander around the antique mall with the goal of finding a great gift for a sweet lady, which I did.

15. I gave directions to a couple that I overheard talking at the antique mall trying to find another store. I went ahead and butted myself into their converstaion and hopefully gave good instructions!

16. I pulled over and handed a water bottle to a runner who looked pretty tired.

17. I taped a coupon for a free appetizer to the door of a restaurant for the next customer to find.

18. I dropped off a free movie ticket at the Warren. My original intention was to hand it to a person waiting in line, but there wasn't anyone waiting to buy a ticket when I went in, so I had to just leave it at the window for the next person. The girl looked at me like I was completely crazy ;)

19. I picked up some trash in the parking lot at Century 2 on my way into the craft show this afternoon.

20. I made and delivered a meal for a family from our church.

21.  I made some people puppy chow that Madison helped me deliver to the neighbors in our cul-de-sac.

22. I left a little thank you gift for our server at my birthday dinner with my family this evening.

23.  I wrote a letter to a person who had a profound impact on my life, but probaby never knew it...this one was emotional...

24.  I sent a "hug" to someone in the mail (thanks Pinterest!)

25. I wrote a card to a missionary overseas.

26. I made a thank you note with a little gift for our mail carrier.

27. I gathered up some canned goods to donate to our church's food pantry.

28.  I got a LOT of help from my friends and family in collecting acessories for a girl who is raising money for an orphanage in Uganda. I will mail it all off to her this week and am so excited to continue to follow her progress this year! A huge thank you to all of the girls that donated items!


We ended Saturday by enjoying a meal at Red Lobster with my family, which is always lots of fun!  Thanks to everyone who helped make my birthday so great!

Mason's view of mommy while we waited for a table

Marc showing Kathy how to eat crab

My big helpers enjoying some good food

Yearning for more birthdays...

Next week is my birthday. A year ago, I was asking my friends and family to donate money to the American Cancer Society.  You all helped me raise almost $5000 to help create more birthdays for others...which was the best gift I could have asked for!

I know you've heard it before, but I'll say it again and again until I run out of breath - Cancer Sucks.

I've never had to fight that fight myself. I know that I don't come even close to fully understanding the toll that it takes on your body, mind, and spirit. I know that I don't understand what it means to be the caregiver of someone battling this disease.

But I know it sucks to be watching...hoping...praying...trying to grasp what is happening to the people that you love while they literally fight for their life before your eyes.

To see them lose their hair, live in a whirlwind of emotions, fight nausea and fatigue, and just struggle with keeping the right spirit and making the right decisions - it's a hard thing to watch and not feel like you want to do something - ANYTHING  - to help take away a little of their burden.

My family has a history of cancer on all sides. If I'm being honest, I know that a lot of my family will fight this fight in the future, and that my chances of fighting it are incredibly high. This is the reality that I don't like to think about.

But it forces me into a corner. And I have to make some decisions.

How do I respond when someone I love so much is diagnosed with something like this? How do I react in my heart? How do I react outwardly? How do I support them? Encourage them? How will I help them?

After dealing with these kinds of situations over and over again over the past decade or so, I've started to answer some of those questions. I have come to rely on my God and Father as all-knowing and powerful and trust Him with things in my life that don't make sense because I've seen my loved ones do the same when they've been faced with this horrid disease. I've allowed myself to get angry and honest with God when things don't make sense. I've learned to trust Him with every beat of my heart, knowing full well that nothing is promised and everything is fragile.

Most of all, I've answered God's prompting that I can't do much in the way of support, encouragement, or help without Him. I've come to know that He is glorified when I can acknowledge that and let my own desire to "fix" everything fall away. I can't fix cancer. I can't make it make sense...but I know my God as Jehovah Rapha - the God who heals. I've had Him heal my wounds, physically, mentally, and emotionally...and if I can be a tool for Him to show Himself to others, then that's a beautiful thing.

I'll say it again - cancer sucks. I pray that one day it's not something we have to worry about and, instead, we just get to celebrate more birthdays with the ones we love.