I've been wrestling with a lot of intense emotions lately. I've been struggling to identify who I really am in this big world. Who God intends me to be in His big plan. So much has changed in our lives over the last few years that it's hard to keep up. I've grown...my life and my roles have changed dramatically. It is a confusing season to be in the midst of. So I'm putting it out here in bloggy land...
I used to be the smart one. I've always thought of myself as pretty smart. Now I have "mommy brain" and I forget the dumbest things from one minute to the next. I'm not working on climbing the ladder in a career anymore. I'm not in school, learning new things anymore. I feel like an idiot a lot.
I used to be the organized one. Now, I'm juggling a million different balls and it's hard to keep up, much less stay organized. This used to take very little effort, now it's a designated task.
I used to be the center of my universe. Now, I'm a wife and a mother. My life revolves around the 3 people I care about most on this planet and I have to carve out "me time" and often wait until it's absolutely needed.
I used to be the good friend. I organized the get-togethers. I loved to play hostess. Now, the week slips by without me sending the text or calling to see how my friends are doing. Now, I fail to schedule the dinner dates and struggle to make plans for "extra" stuff.
I used to be the over achiever. I don't know what my mom was feeding me in high school, but for the life of me I can't figure out how I did all that I did. Just thinking about all the sports, classes, church, and extra-curriculur activities makes me exhausted.
I used to be the pillar. I only cried at night, at home, alone, or with my mom. Crying was for girly girls and I didn't want to be perceived that way. Now, I cry ALL THE TIME. I feel crazy and a tad bit hormonal a lot of the time. Seriously...commericials, sweet old couples at the store. Everything spawns a whole thought process in my head and the waterworks start. It's embarrasing.
Here's who I've known myself as: Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, confidant, disciple, worker, learner, teacher, singer, helper, cook, baker, business woman, volunteer, prayer partner, and passionate woman...
So who am I now? How do you process the fact that so many things in your life change in such a short amount of time? How do you identify the woman that God wants you to be in all of your new roles? And how do re-gain confidence in who you are in this new place you've found yourself?
I am a Christ Follower who is still learning not to define myself with any of the above titles. I've done it for too long. But what God is teaching me now, is that none of those make me who I really am. I am His. And He knows the plans He has for me. I don't have be the smart one, or the good one, or the over achiever. It's ok that I don't recognize myself anymore. I'm changing...in the best way. I see myself becoming the woman that I'm supposed to be. And I hope that I continue to struggle with this identity crisis. I want Him to continue to mold me to be more like Him.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. -2 Corinthians 5:17
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Happenings
It's been a while since I've posted a "family update" to this "family blog". Horrible family chronicler = me. So here goes :)
2012 is off to a running start. I can't believe we're already almost half way through February! Geez! After the exciting and busy end to 2011, we just kept on going! Here's what we've been up to:
Madison: My sweet baby girl is officially in her 2's and is Miss Sassy Pants. She is like her momma and talks with her hands and facial expressions - no words necessary most of the time. She's learned how to roll her eyes, which is pretty entertaining when her brother tries to boss her around. She's turning into quite the girly girl and loves pretty shoes, purses, wearing tutu's, and having her nails painted. She still loves to cuddle and give hugs and kisses. I love that about my baby :) The babysitter was sick this past week, so Randal and I split most of the week staying home with the littles. Since we were home bound b/c of the cold weather, it seemed like a good idea to "officially" get her potty trained. She's been showing a lot of interest anyway (she can do everything that big brother can do!), so it's been pretty smooth going so far. Only a couple of accidents, but she's quite the big girl and is holding her own. We'll see how she does when we venture outside the house, I guess ;)
Mason: The king of the castle. This boy has life figured out and wants to tell you all about it. He likes to explain things to us and have nice, long chats. The babysitter and I laugh that you don't miss adult company when Mason is around because he likes to just sit and chat like an 80 year old (sound familiar??). He's hilarious and is really into Jimmy Neutron, pirates, and being a rock star. I love that both of our kids have inherited our love for music. I love having singing & dancing parties in the living room with them and watching them have the time of their lives rocking out!
Randal: Randal's busy at work and fills other time with guitar and working with the youth group. He is a hard worker and keeps me laughing every day. One of his birthday gifts was tickets to BB King, so he and I are heading to that on Valentine's Day and I think we're both super excited!
Beth: Busy as always. I've had several bakery orders and met with my first bride of 2012. We've had lots of birthdays, parties, and babies born and I love gift-giving. so it's been fun being on the hunt for the right things! My birthday was last weekend and I was able to raise $4715 for the American Cancery Society thanks to my awesome family and friends! It meant a whole lot more than I thought it was originally going to mean because of how much our world has been infiltrated by the nastiness of cancer so far this year. Work is always busy and I've had to make it a priority to have some down time. I had a nice massage last month and make bubble baths quite the priority! I always love reading and have a few books in progress at the moment. I am also trying to be crafty lately and have a few projects in the works in order to make our life more organized and lovely :)
2012 is off to a running start. I can't believe we're already almost half way through February! Geez! After the exciting and busy end to 2011, we just kept on going! Here's what we've been up to:
Madison: My sweet baby girl is officially in her 2's and is Miss Sassy Pants. She is like her momma and talks with her hands and facial expressions - no words necessary most of the time. She's learned how to roll her eyes, which is pretty entertaining when her brother tries to boss her around. She's turning into quite the girly girl and loves pretty shoes, purses, wearing tutu's, and having her nails painted. She still loves to cuddle and give hugs and kisses. I love that about my baby :) The babysitter was sick this past week, so Randal and I split most of the week staying home with the littles. Since we were home bound b/c of the cold weather, it seemed like a good idea to "officially" get her potty trained. She's been showing a lot of interest anyway (she can do everything that big brother can do!), so it's been pretty smooth going so far. Only a couple of accidents, but she's quite the big girl and is holding her own. We'll see how she does when we venture outside the house, I guess ;)
Mason: The king of the castle. This boy has life figured out and wants to tell you all about it. He likes to explain things to us and have nice, long chats. The babysitter and I laugh that you don't miss adult company when Mason is around because he likes to just sit and chat like an 80 year old (sound familiar??). He's hilarious and is really into Jimmy Neutron, pirates, and being a rock star. I love that both of our kids have inherited our love for music. I love having singing & dancing parties in the living room with them and watching them have the time of their lives rocking out!
Randal: Randal's busy at work and fills other time with guitar and working with the youth group. He is a hard worker and keeps me laughing every day. One of his birthday gifts was tickets to BB King, so he and I are heading to that on Valentine's Day and I think we're both super excited!
Beth: Busy as always. I've had several bakery orders and met with my first bride of 2012. We've had lots of birthdays, parties, and babies born and I love gift-giving. so it's been fun being on the hunt for the right things! My birthday was last weekend and I was able to raise $4715 for the American Cancery Society thanks to my awesome family and friends! It meant a whole lot more than I thought it was originally going to mean because of how much our world has been infiltrated by the nastiness of cancer so far this year. Work is always busy and I've had to make it a priority to have some down time. I had a nice massage last month and make bubble baths quite the priority! I always love reading and have a few books in progress at the moment. I am also trying to be crafty lately and have a few projects in the works in order to make our life more organized and lovely :)
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The big 3-0!
Randal turned 30 back on December 28th and our friends and family helped us celebrate with a surprise party up at the church on New Years' Eve. It was so fun planning this, but was really hard to really trick him. He did have an idea that I had something up my sleeve, but when his birthday came and went, he gave up that idea, so it really was a surprise when he walked in that night! I never thought I could achieve that, so I was pretty excited. Here are a few snapshots from the evening:
The invite :)
This is his surprised face!
These are our 80s outfits :)
Say Surprise Daddy!
I'm thankful for friends as crazy as us!
This was my cake that looked nothing like the Rubik's Cube it was meant to be! Oops!
Fun games........and lots of food!
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