I see a counselor.
Go ahead, judge me. I'll wait...
I see the looks that people give me when I tell them that I see a counselor...the looks that say "oh gosh, you must be REALLY screwed up, I'm so sorry".
Well, to be honest - I am...
You shouldn't be sorry, though, because so are you. I hate to break it to you. (That's a lie, I don't hate breaking that to you. And I'll expect a thank you for my honesty in the mail from you soon.)
I'll admit that my mindset used to be the same as what I get from most people's reactions. I used to think that you only saw a therapist if things were really bad. And frankly, it is for that reason that I waited until things were really bad to go see one.
I REALLY, REALLY wish I had known better before.
I wish I had known what therapy entailed. I wish I had known how beneficial it is to have a neutral party to hear you out, let you cry and scream, and then talk you back with care and understanding and hope. I wish I had known earlier in life that it is when I held this stuff in that I felt the most misunderstood, the most frustrated, the most lonely, and was when I made the worst decisions.
I wish I had known how much I would come to know myself and my Savior better because of it. I wish I would have known how much it would help me understand the relationships that I have with those around me and how much it would impact my daily interactions for the better.
I also wish I had known how funny people would look at me when I told them that my therapist's name was Dr. Phil (no joke, that's his name...but that's a whole other kind of blog post!).
Don't get me wrong, I know that not everyone thinks that therapy is a taboo thing.
I've heard it said by several people who are great advocates for counseling - my own friends, bloggers and sermons online, etc - that seeing a counselor isn't a bad thing. They make the common argument that if your car is broken, you don't just guess and try to fix it yourself, but that you take it to a mechanic.
I like this thought process. But I firmly think differently about this analogy and the timing that it implies.
I don't think you wait until the car is broken. I think you take your car in and have the oil changed on a regular basis so that it doesn't break. I think I go in and have a well-woman physical every year, not because I know that something is wrong, but so that I can make sure things are going as they should, so that I can ask any questions that I might have, and so that I can address any issues that might have come to light.
Too often, we wait until things are broken and then we try to fix them. Even more often, we pretend that everything is ok when it's not, because it's "not THAT bad" or because we don't want to admit that anything is wrong.
I'm here, right where I am, the woman that I have become, because I finally got the guts to see a counselor. And I'm bound and determined to change people's minds about what that means.
It doesn't mean that you're weak.
It doesn't mean that you're giving up.
It doesn't mean that you're beyond hope.
It doesn't mean that you're an outcast.
It means you're brave and courageous and a kind of strong that so few know.
It means that you're willing to fight for who you were made to be.
It means that you're hopeful that, by taking care of and better understanding yourself, you can live your life with purpose, direction, and clarity.
It means you're just like everyone else, living in a broken world and choosing every day how you want to live this life.
So, next time someone tells you they see a counselor, don't give them the "I'm so sorry you're completely messed up" look. I'm begging you. Understand that person has their crap together more than most because they're not scared, like so many are, to admit that they are a messed up human being.
They're brave like you hope to be - so give them a pat on the back for that....then go start researching your local counselors.
Know this - this can never take the place of communing with the great Counselor, but is a tool that He's given you to help you walk the road He's got stretched out before you. Make sure you're doing what you need to in order to follow Him - and enjoy the process. Get to know the person He made and how they function and you'll better understand what you're here for.
And you can thank me later :)
The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. ~Proverbs 20:5
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