Scraps...

God's honest truth: I started this blog because I can't scrapbook.

I've always loved putting my thoughts and feelings on paper, that's for certain. It seems like it comes out better when I write it instead of speaking it, as I tend to get pretty tongue tied. For as long as I can remember, I filled journal after journal with my ponderings and frustrations and excitements. So when I thought about putting together cute books of stories about my kids and their childhood and capturing the precious, the not so precious, and utterly hilarious moments of our every day life, I had one main thought: "I wish I could do that." I tried - and quickly failed - and threw those scrapbooks away. I firmly admitted to myself that I wasn't one of those crafty moms, and started writing instead. I am not a writer, nor am I a blogger...but I needed somewhere to document our family and our crazy life, so this is where I ended up.

It has been touch and go. Sometimes I forget, or just get too busy. But when I do make the time, I feel better. Knowing that I've put some of the funnies and some of the hard moments our family experiences out in the universe and will be able to show them to my kids someday is amazing.

Then I started throwing in some other posts...using the "family" blog for my own thoughts and ramblings. I realized I was "scrapbooking" a bit of myself along with the kids.  It's been incredibly therapeutic and helpful in making myself be honest about where I'm at and how I feel and what I'm struggling with.

But it's scary putting it out in bloggy world, that's for sure. You never know what someone reading your thoughts might think about you or how you might be judged. You never know who you might irritate or bore.

And at this point, it seems to have morphed into something that I didn't ever plan or expect.  I thought the only people that really read my posts were my mom and mother-in-law and my sister.  I only have a few people officially "following" the blog, even as I write this. But I have had an insane amount of traffic in the recent past and I can't even count how many emails, comments, and messages I've received from people that I don't know or that I barely know who are reading these posts and connecting with something.

It's really weird.

It's weird because I think, way too often, that I'm alone...that I'm the only one that feels a certain way...that, honestly, I'm a bit crazy.

Yet I get emails and messages from people saying that I hit home with them about something that I was feeling...that I was honest about something they had been wrestling with...that I made THEM realize that they aren't alone in what they're experiencing. I have people linking to my blog from their website because they think something I wrote from the bottom of my heart resonates with them.

Seriously...REALLY weird.

Understand me here - I'm not saying that this little family blog has become some sort of next best thing, b/c it's not, and I don't write this as a "look at what I did" thing (as stated above - I just think it's weird).

But, sticking with our "lessons learned" theme...it definitely has made me open my heart to a few things:

1) I am not alone. 

No matter how alone I've felt in my feelings and thoughts over the past few years, I realize, only now, that there are other women that are struggling with the same things as me. I never knew I had so many sisters who fought to put these feelings into words and were fighting the same fights as I was. 

Thank you to all of you who have shared with me your own experiences in response to mine...without your messages, hugs, and encouragement, I might still feel very alone.  Because you were brave, I know I've got people fighting right along with me.

2) God will use my experiences to reach people in ways that I wouldn't ever pick and He'll do it behind my back ;)

My prayer as I continue to grasp how He wants to use me, is that I won't doubt the pull that I feel to say things, to share my heart, to take action...that I won't question how people will react or how I might be looked down on, but that I will focus on how He might use it without my understanding.

3) People are too quiet about their own journeys and the wisdom that they've gained from them, and it's hindering our growth and causing us to miss important conversations, opportunities, and relationships.

If we don't allow ourselves to be open and honest, we might be holding someone else back from healing and growing...we might be robbing ourselves of great friendships...we might be stealing huge ministry opportunities from our churches, and most importantly, we might be holding ourselves back from submitting fully to the incredible story that God has written for us.

Bottom line is this...I'm definitely not a writer or a blogger...but I will continue to document my family and my own heart here.  If He chooses to continue to use that as an avenue to reach others, that's incredible. If not, we've got our family "scrapbook" and my kids will know their mom's heart through and through, and that's incredible too...