A temporary goodbye...

One of my favorites

Today, I drove down the road to my grandparents’ house and I couldn’t breathe. As we got closer, the reality sunk in that I would no longer be greeted by my grandpa’s smile and be able to wrap my arms around him in a bear hug upon arrival…and I lost it…

I said goodbye to him last week. Over the past couple of weeks, as the gravity of his situation settled, my mind hasn’t stopped flooding me with memories.  I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for having so many wonderful moments to remember.

My favorite memories, by far, are my early morning alone times with him. I have been an early riser for a long time and he was always waiting for me at the dining table.  He would be reading the paper and watching the news with his cup of coffee by his side. We would spend those moments chatting, eating, and just enjoying the quiet of the morning before the rest of the family started stirring.  In recent years, my kids joined us at the table and we got to share those sweet early moments as a group of 4. I will never forget his smiling face across from me at that table.

I loved getting to go down during the summers and spend time with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma and I would go to craft shows and to the mall and I would spend time out in the garage with Grandpa. I loved hearing their stories and seeing how much love there was between them.

I always loved seeing Grandpa work. Whether it was fixing some random broken thing around the house, setting up some sort of random contraption in the backyard, or helping cut potatoes in the kitchen, he was handy and helpful. He did what needed to be done when it needed to be done and he did it with a smile on his face.

Even when he was very sick, he kept things fun. He encouraged us in all that we did and showed us the way to go. He pointed us towards Heaven and proved time and time again what keeping a positive attitude can do.

I remember coming down in the mornings during our family’s vacations at the lake and seeing him and Grandma coming in from checking their lines. He loved the lake and he loved to fish. His fried fish at the end of our week long trips was hard to beat.

The holidays are my favorites. . .sitting around visiting with each other, watching sports together, playing games, and eating good food. I loved to see the joy on Grandpa’s face when his house was full – you could see that his heart was full too. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve watched him smile at his grandchildren playing on the floor or laughed at someone making a dumb move in a card game and have thought about how thankful I am that he raised a family that loved being together so much.

He leaves a legacy behind that it difficult to put into words. His faith, joy, strength, drive, and love are indescribable. He is one of the best men I’ve ever known. I'm glad that I always told him I loved him. I'm glad he was just as mushy as I was. I'm so thankful that I got to see him before he moved on...to be alone with him in the ICU room and sing to him and pray for him and tell him how much I would miss him but how excited I was for him not to be tired anymore. It was such a bittersweet goodbye.

I will miss him…I already do. I dread the first holidays without him. I dread the empty recliner and the vacant early morning breakfast table. I will cry many more tears for things we won’t get to share anymore.

I know I won’t miss him nearly as much as his wife of almost 60 years who was still his best friend and who he was still madly in love with…or as much as my dad who lost the man who raised him to be the wonderful father that he is.

We grieve because we’re left behind - because we’re stuck here without him. I have no doubt that my grandpa is with his Lord and Savior and is healthy and whole and happy. He is finally home, and it is only a temporary goodbye that I say to him now…until we meet again. One day…I will see that smile and hear that laugh and get another one of those bear hugs.